The Black From Bergerac
by Ineffabilitea
Summary: A complete AU in which Potterverse characters and the plot of Cyrano de Bergerac meet, with a few significant changes. RLSB slash, RLNT.
1. Act One

_Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Cyrano de Bergerac belonged to Edmond Rostand. My apologies to both._

* * *

Remus could hear Gideon and Fabian swear behind him as he stopped short yet again, this time to avoid walking right into a very young witch mounted on a pint-sized broom. The stands at the Wimbourne Wasps' home pitch were always chaos, and he wondered yet again why he was here. He didn't even like Quidditch that much. 

"So, where's this bird of yours usually sit, Remus?" Gideon asked as he plopped himself cheerily into an empty seat.

Ah yes, that was why. Because he, shy and awkward Remus Lupin, had fallen hard for a girl he'd only seen from across a Quidditch pitch. Not that she was hard to spot from that distance, what with the bubblegum pink hair.

"She's usually just over there; you'll spot her right away. Her hair is very … _pink_." 

Fabian squinted into the sun as he scanned the stands on the opposite side of the pitch. "I don't see her. Are you sure she'll be here, mate? Gideon and I are wasting valuable pub time, y'know."

"She's always here; she hasn't missed a game yet this season." (And neither had he.) "I don't see why today would be any different."

"_I_ don't see why Fabian and I have to be here," Gideon put in. "Why can't you just head over there an introduce yourself? I could be on my third Firewhiskey by now."

"Did I hear the gentleman say 'Firewhiskey'?" A vendor who was passing them in the stands interrupted. "Ogden's finest, only two sickles a shot!"

"Cor," said Fabian, "they don't sell Firewhiskey at the Kestrels' games! Maybe we should consider switching allegiances, Gid."

"How much to leave the bottle?" Gideon asked the vendor.

"I'm not really supposed to do that, sir … but for you blokes, five galleons and I'll look the other way."

"Ta," Gideon replied, passing the requested galleons while Fabian grabbed the bottle. "Want any, Remus?"

"No, thanks." 

"Still waiting for your bird to arrive? Didn't bring us here on a fool's errand, did you?"

"Hell, I thought it was an April Fools' joke when he told us he was in love, didn't I, Fabian?"

Remus supposed he was an April Fool, all right. Even beyond the folly of falling in love with a girl he'd never met, whose name he didn't even know yet, this girl was clearly out of his league. She had pink hair, for Merlin's sake! Remus looked down at his own shabby robes and self-consciously rubbed his old-fashioned moustache. Perhaps he ought to shave it off…

When he looked up, there was a flash of pink in the stands across the way. "There she is! With the blond fellow and the one with the black hair and big nose."

Gideon and Fabian looked across to where his finger pointed. "Well, then," Gideon said.

"Please tell me you know who she is. You two know everybody!"

"Oh, I know her, all right. You sure know how to pick 'em, doesn't he, Gideon?"

"Yep. Young Nymphadora would be quite the catch. She's a Metamorphmagus, you know."

"She lets you call her Nymphadora?" Fabian asked.

"Of course not! Her name's Nymphadora Tonks, prefers to go by Tonks, Remus." 

"Tonks," Remus repeated. Even her name was too edgy for him. "She's too cool for me, isn't she?" he asked aloud.

"Yeah, 'fraid so."

"Sorry mate. Last bloke she dated had a mohawk and played bass in the Weird Sisters' opening act."

"Well, at least now I know." Remus tried valiantly to hide his disappointment. She just seemed so happy, so full of life, this _Tonks_. He himself might be quiet and calm, but he found himself drawn to her energy. A girl like that could have anyone she wanted, though, and he knew it. Why had he thought he had a chance?

"That's Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape that she's with, though. That's not her usual crowd. Wonder why she's putting up with them."

"Haven't you heard? Lucius has taken a fancy to Tonks. Probably the Metamorphmagus thing that's attracted him. It's a bit disgusting. Anyway, he's got so much pull at the Ministry, I think she's afraid to upset him and lose her chance at a good job."

"Isn't Malfoy married?"

"That's where Snape comes in, you see? He figures Snape'll do anything he tells him to, so he's trying to set Snape and Tonks up, so he'll have a willing accomplice as husband. He's underestimated our Tonks, though."

"That's horrible!" Remus exclaimed. "I ought to go over there and give that Malfoy a piece of my mind. He can't do that!"

"Oh, he can and he will. You're new with the British Ministry, so you don't know how it is. He practically runs the place; Fudge is only a figurehead, does whatever Malfoy asks. And you may be a hair's breadth away from a fully trained Auror, but he and Snape both do more than dabble in the Dark Arts. Don't make them your enemies." 

"Oh." Even the one thing he was good at – being an Auror – he couldn't use to help Tonks. Remus had rarely felt more useless.

"Well, if our services are no longer required, we'll be off," Fabian said cheerily.

"What! Already?"

"Well, we've finished the Firewhiskey, so there's nothing else keeping us here. Certainly not the game! They're playing the Cannons; there's no need to watch when the end result if a foregone conclusion."

With a crack they Apparated away, and Remus found himself sitting alone next to a couple of Cannons supporters who were apparently waiting for a friend.

"… can't believe he isn't here yet. He hates Bagman, and he never misses a chance to heckle him!"

"He'll be here, Peter, don't you worry. He was hinting that he had something big planned this time; he even asked to borrow the Cloak, so he might be here already, and we just can't see him."

"Excuse me," Remus broke in, "but were you expecting someone? I'm all by myself, so I could move."

"No need, no need," replied the taller of the two, who had messy black hair and glasses. "Even if he does show, he's rarely in his seat! Prefers to lean against the rails and harass the players, y'know. You look familiar. Where might I know you from? I'm James Potter, by the way, and this is Peter Pettigrew."

"Remus Lupin. I'm not sure when we might've met; I didn't go to Hogwarts, so I'm generally a stranger here in Britain."

"I know where I've seen you before. You're that new Auror trainee, over from the continent, right?"

"That's me," Remus acknowledged. "So you're an Auror yourself?"

"Yup. So's the friend we're waiting for, Sirius Black. He's quite the character; if you've seen him, you'll remember him."

"Is he the one with the leather jackets?"

"And the tattoos? Yeah, that's Sirius."

"And what about you?" Remus asked Peter, who had hung back from the conversation.

"Who, me? Oh, I'm no Auror. I run a sweets shop off Diagon Alley."

"You're _that_ Pettigrew?" Remus asked.

"You've heard of me?" Peter blushed with pleasure. "Pettigrew's Pleasures Sweets and Snacks, yes, that's me."

"Be sure to stop by the shop some time; he gives discounts for Quidditch fans." 

"James!"

"Well, you do."

"Only little ones."

"I stand corrected. He gives _small_ discounts for Quidditch fans."

Suddenly, a voice boomed out from behind them, announcing the Wasps' starting line-up. Peter jumped at the noise. "The game's starting! Where _is_ Sirius?"

Perched on his flying motorbike high above Wimbourne, Sirius Black grinned. This was his best idea yet. It'd come to him as he was installing the invisibility feature Arthur Weasley had suggested to him on the motorbike. Invisible bike plus Invisibility Cloak plus silencing charms on the engine meant he was pretty much undetectable, and he had to put that to use.

Peter would probably never forgive him for disrupting a professional Quidditch match, even in such a glorious fashion, but it was Wasps vs. Cannons, after all. Between that hack Bagman and the Cannons' typical play, that was a mere step above an exhibition match. The forfeit he would force would be far more memorable than another Cannons loss.

This was going to be so spectacular, even that new trainee Auror from France, Lupin, would have to be impressed, wouldn't he? He was a big Wasps fan, it seemed; he never missed a game, from what Sirius could pick up. Though he didn't seem the type to be impressed with showy, illegal interference with professional Quidditch, really. More the type to swoon if you quoted particularly apt passages of Virgil to him verbatim (in the original Latin, of course).

Sirius very much wanted to impress Lupin. From the moment he'd caught his distinctive golden hazel eyes from across the conference table during one of the interminable meetings he despised (he didn't become an Auror to sip coffee and talk over paperwork), he'd been fascinated by him. The man was quiet, but clearly a very powerful wizard and a fine Auror, if not as showy as some people (namely, himself and James). And he was bloody gorgeous, too, with those eyes and that hair, which looked like it would be soft and silky to the touch, not to mention his lush, kissable lips.

Exhilarated by the thrill of new love, as well as the brilliant prank he was about to pull, Sirius couldn't keep from shouting aloud. The rush of the spring breeze in his ears and the calls of birds were the only response.

Remus' new acquaintances, Peter and James, were clearly much bigger Quidditch fans than he was; they were paying close attention to the players warming up for the opening of the match, noting whose broom seemed to have a slight list and which Keeper looked in better form today.

Remus himself was not-so covertly staring across the pitch at the girl – Tonks, he reminded himself. She didn't seem to be enjoying herself anywhere near as much as she usually did at a match. By this point she was usually on her feet, shouting and whistling piercingly at the official. But today she sat quietly between Malfoy and Snape, and her hair didn't even seem as pink as usual; he supposed if she was a Metamorphmagus, as the Prewetts said, her mood could be affecting her appearance. 

Surely one or two well-aimed Confundus charms wouldn't go amiss? Even if Malfoy and Snape were the darkest of dark wizards, they wouldn't be able to trace them back to him, would they? He reached into his pocket to pull out his wand, and discovered that there was already a hand in his pocket. Someone else's hand, which turned out to be attached to a shabby man who hadn't even the decency to look apologetic that Remus had caught him at it.

"Were you trying to steal my wand?" Remus growled.

"Wot? No, course not. I was merely hopin' to find a coupla loose sickles. I wouldn' steal nobody's wand!" The man looked genuinely offended that Remus would think him capable of such a thing, quite a feat when he had been caught red-handed.

"Do I look like the kind of fellow who has sickles to spare?" Remus asked.

"Well, maybe not, but your friends there, they looked well-off. Worth a shot." The man tried to extricate his hand, but Remus kept a firm grip on his wrist.

"Give me one good reason I should let you go."

"I can tell you somethin' that'll save the hides of those friends of yours."

"The Prewetts? They're in danger?"

"Hacked off a coupla Dark wizards, those two have. There's an ambush waitin' for 'em on their way home from the pub."

"I have to warn them! What pub are they at?" 

"How should I know? Try the Hog's Head first, I say. Now lemme go?"

Remus reluctantly turned the man loose to try his hand a pick-pocketing a slightly less wary victim, and after a quick goodbye to James and Peter, who hardly seemed to notice, he Disapparated away with a crack.

James was probably the first to notice that something was amiss in Bagman's game, possibly even before Bagman. The first Bludger he tried to hit seemed to deflect off something and went careening off at exactly the wrong angle, forcing Wimbourne's other Beater out of position.

When it happened a second time, James grew suspicious. The third time, the Bludger headed straight for the Wasps' Keeper, but what was even more damning: James swore he could hear Sirius' voice, in snatches, from out on the pitch, taunting Bagman. Yes, he had definitely heard 'Ludicrous Ludo', and only Sirius called Bagman that.

"Peter! Peter! Sirius is on the pitch, under the Cloak, I swear."

Peter looked skeptical. "Not even Sirius would have the balls to interfere with a Quidditch match like that."

"Well then, explain that." For at that very moment, Sirius' luck ran out. A Cannons player had collided with him, confusing the player greatly and pulling aside the Cloak, revealing Sirius, seated on something invisible. James couldn't believe it. He was riding that ruddy flying motorbike, invisible, on a Quidditch pitch! It was insane! Impressive, though; Sirius could sure as hell fly, to have avoided colliding with a player sooner than he did.

The referee was now circling Sirius, wand drawn. Sirius looked as happy as James had ever seen him, as if he were out for a Sunday fly and not in the middle of illegally interfering with a professional Quidditch match. That was Sirius for you. Always up for anything, the crazier the better, and damn the consequences.

"Explain yourself!" the head official shouted.

"I don't like the way Ludo here plays," Sirius calmly announced, but loudly enough that James could hear him in the stands. "I'm simply attempting to improve his game."

"Well, you've made your point, you madman! Now kindly get off the pitch so the game can resume. We'll deal with you later."

"I'm not budging while Ludo's still playing. Unless he goes, I don't go."

"Are you crazy?" the captain of the Wasps, who had flown over to see what the matter was, asked. "We can't play with only one Beater!"

"You should listen to me," Sirius retorted. "Better one Beater than two, if one of them is this fool!" He made a rude gesture towards Bagman.

"So you refuse to leave?" the referee asked.

"I'm not going anywhere," Sirius replied, leaning back casually on the still-invisible motorbike.

"Then I am forced to declare this game a forfeit in favor of the Cannons!"

"What the bloody hell!" the Wasps' captain screamed, and the stands in general erupted into angry chaos, though the few Cannons fans in the stands were celebrating.

"Your home stadium, your job to control the fans, Petersen." The referee flew off, and most of the players on both teams followed her lead, leaving only Sirius to cheerily call out, "Better luck next time!" to their retreating backs.

Tonks had watched with carefully, if barely, concealed enthusiasm as her cousin Sirius, who must have bollocks of bloody _steel_, forced a forfeit of the Quidditch match. Several times a whoop of agreement or delight at something Sirius said nearly forced its way out of her, but the stony faces and disapproving comments of her two companions were enough to keep her silent.

She hated that she was even here with them, let alone concealing her feelings to keep them happy. She wished she could be more like Sirius, ready to say fuck you to the world if it got in the way of something he wanted to do. He'd been that way as long as she'd known him, ever since he'd run away from home. She'd barely met him before then, since his parents wouldn't associate with hers, but after that he was a frequent visitor to the Tonkses.

Sure, she might have pink hair and more than the usual number of piercings (and that alone was enough to upset her companions, she knew), but inside she still felt like the same obedient daughter who put on a jumper today because her mum had always said to dress in layers in the spring, in case the weather shifted. Even worse than cautious jumper-wearing, she was sitting here, as meek as a lamb, between two men she despised!

But even though she yearned to tell them both to bugger off, she couldn't. Not only did Malfoy practically run the whole Ministry, with his money and influence, but he and Snape were both dangerous Dark wizards, and Tonks wasn't sure she could afford to make them her enemies. She was doing her best just to keep them at arm's length and prevent them from carrying out whatever nefarious plan they had for her. She did this mostly by playing extremely dumb, which was actually pretty fun all on its own.

In a way, the manner in which Malfoy and Snape were treating her was only different from other wizards in degree, not kind. Lots of blokes stared at her; usually it was only the hair, but once they'd heard that she could change her appearance at will, the attention became more sinister. She could tell what they were thinking: she could be their fantasy woman, fulfill a different desire every night. And as some of the crudest had outright told her, she 'must be feckin' unbelievably flexible', too.

Lately there had been a new pair of eyes on her that weren't so degrading, though. She looked automatically across the stand to find her mystery man – Lupin, she'd found out through friends at the Ministry – but he had not returned from wherever he had disappeared to. _He_ looked at her seriously, as though he was studying her like a book. She wondered if he read a lot of books; he had the air of a scholar, but her friend at the Ministry said he was an Auror trainee. She thought he was something of an enigma: an intellectual who was preparing for a life of battle and violence. A puzzle she'd like to get to know better, to figure out.

Her reverie was interrupted by a new outburst of venom from Malfoy. "It's a pity that Sirius Black is such a disgrace to his good, pure-blood name."

"Right you are, Lucius," Snape agreed.

"Not only does he dress like the most outlandish of Muggles," this with a side-long glance at her, "but I hear from very reliable sources that he practices unnatural vice!"

"No doubt. He was absolutely shameless about it at Hogwarts! One heard the most disgusting things about what he got up to."

_Unnatural vice, indeed,_ thought Tonks. As if it was the most _natural_ vice in the world to be attempting to bully a sweet young Metamorphmagus into marrying your lackey so you could have a free hand for Merlin knew what kinky fantasies. And if that wasn't hypocritical enough, Tonks had her own suspicions about Malfoy and Snape that would make this the pots calling the kettle black.

"If you ask me," Malfoy said carefully, "what he needs is for a respectable wizard to show him what's what."

"Certainly," Snape responded.

"And you're just the wizard to do it, Severus." Malfoy smiled sinisterly. Snape looked apprehensive, and no wonder. Eight times out of ten at Hogwarts, when he and Sirius had dueled, Sirius had won. Time to apply some of that feigned idiocy, Tonks decided, before he could find a way to wriggle out of this.

"I think that's a splendid idea!" she put in, trying to look as vacant as possible. "If we can't watch a Quidditch game, I'd love to watch a duel!"

"You heard the lady, Severus," Malfoy said. "Call Black over." 

Sirius was hovering on the invisible something that Tonks suspected was his Muggle motorbike over by the opposite stands, probably talking to his mates James and Peter, but his ears pricked like a bloodhound when Snape approached the rail and shouted, "Oi, Black!"

"Something I can do for you, Snivellus?" he asked as he approached their position in the stands. "Wotcher, cuz," he added, winking at Tonks.

Snape took a deep breath. "Black, you are- you're a homosexual!" he spat. 

Tonks used all the self-control she had left to keep from sniggering, and for once Malfoy seemed to have the same reaction as she.

"Yeah," Sirius calmly replied. "And?" 

"And- well-"

"C'mon, Snivellus, even you can do better than that. At least call me a _flaming_ homo, or a shirtlifter. And I am. I admit it. I'm as queer as a bronze galleon, poofier than a down pillow. I am an unabashed sodomite, and if you wanted to insult me, you'll have to try a lot harder than that. But all you wanted to do is get me to duel you, right?" 

Snape seemed a bit unhappy at the way this was working out. "Well…"

"I'm happy to kick your arse any time, Snivellus, no provocation required. Shall we descend and handle this on solid ground, or can we take care of it here and now?" 

"I can outhex you anywhere you please, Black. Stay on your flying apparatus, if it pleases you. You'll still lose." Snape was clearly eager to regain some of the face he had lost earlier.

"Fine by me. Tonks, if you'd do the honours? On your count of ten." Sirius flew back a short distance.

When she reached ten, the spells began to fly and it was quickly apparent that Snape was outclassed. He wouldn't even throw up a shield charm, probably out of some misplaced sense of honour, and so was having to dodge all the jinxes Sirius threw at him. While Snape single-mindedly tried to injure Sirius with some rather vicious curses, Sirius was nonchalantly deflecting them while peppering Snape with Jelly-Legs Jinxes and similar embarrassing, rather than painful, spells. He was toying with him, Tonks realized.

Finally, he seemed to grow tired of the game. Easily blocking Snape's snarled '_Diffindo_' with a shield, he shouted '_Petrificus Totalus_' and caught Snape completely out of position and unprepared.

"Take your lapdog home, Malfoy. He's obviously not ready to play with the real wizards yet," he told Malfoy, who looked livid with rage. 

"You haven't heard the last of this, Black!" he spat as he dragged Snape's stiff body away.

Sirius unfroze him once they were a good hundred yards away, before turning his attention to her. "All right, cuz?"

Sirius was always glad to see his cousin Nymphadora – Tonks, she preferred, he reminded himself – since of all his many relatives, she seemed the one mostly likely to follow in his footsteps. He had heard she was considering the Auror program, but was worried because 'stealthy' wasn't exactly her middle name. Always tripping over things, if he remembered correctly.

He wondered why she was hanging around with Dark wizards like Malfoy and Snape, but remembered some gossip he'd heard floating about the Ministry about Malfoy's interest in a new girl "he'd never grow tired of," which he had found odd at the time; despite his marriage, Malfoy was out with a new gorgeous witch every night of the week. But if Malfoy was sniffing around his cousin, well, she could be all those witches and more. And if Tonks was worried about being accepted for Auror training, she wouldn't want to spit in the eye of such a powerful wizard.

Well, if she couldn't, Sirius would do it for her.

"All right, cuz?" he asked. 

"Better now that you've driven those two gits off. That was bloody brilliant. Not just the duel, though I enjoyed watching you play with Snape, but the Quidditch stuff, too."

"I'm glad you liked it. Always nice to be appreciated by a kindred soul." 

Tonks blushed at that. "So how'd you pull it off? Invisibility Cloak, obviously, but is that the motorbike you're on now?"

"Well now, to tell would be giving away a trade secret, dear cousin. But you've always been a very perceptive witch, I'll give you that." He winked at her.

"Oh, is that the way it is, then? I'm hurt that you won't trust me, your dearest relation, with your secrets."

"A bloke has to keep some secrets, doesn't he? But really, how've you been, Tonks?"

"That, Sirius, is a long story. And actually, we haven't had a long chat in a while. Could we get together tomorrow, maybe? I'd like to pick your brain about your fellow Aurors, as well."

"Sure, no problem. Hoping to get an edge on the application with some inside info, eh?" 

"Something like that," she replied.

"You may be surprised to hear that there are some things I won't help you cheat at, and Auror training is one of them, but I'll see what I can do. How about tomorrow afternoon, around three, at Peter's shop?" 

"Pettigrew's? I'll be there. Thanks, Sirius! You're the best."

"I am, aren't I?" he preened. 

"Arrogant prat! Now get going; I think I see that friend of yours, Potter, waving for you from down below."

"S'not arrogance if you can prove it, cuz."

"Get out of here!" She waved him off with false exasperation, but she was grinning.

Sirius couldn't help but grin too as he guided the motorbike to a landing near James, who was standing by some sort of blossoming tree. "What happened to Peter, then?"

"Said he couldn't leave the shop unattended much longer. Second quick disappearance of the afternoon. First that Lupin bloke from the continent was sitting with us, but he popped off somewhere, and now Peter."

"Lupin?" Sirius asked, trying to sound only mildly interested.

"Yeah, Remus Lupin. Y'know, the one who went to Beauxbatons. Nondescript sort of fellow, with the brown hair-"

"- and the golden eyes, and the shabbily elegant wardrobe? Yeah, I've seen him around." 

"'golden eyes'? Sounds like you've done a bit more than just see him around! You've been checking him out, haven't you?" 

It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining down through the trees and the air smelt of growing things. Sirius had pulled of his most daring feat yet, and defeated Snivellus in a duel. He was in a good mood, so he decided to share a bit more with James than he normally would. A mood like this just had to be shared.

"It's more than just checking him out, James my friend, though he is gorgeous. I think I'm falling head over heels for the bloke." 

"What? How? When? You've barely spoken to him! Is he even queer?"

"It's true we don't mix much at work, but I have listened to him when he talks to others, and from that I already know that he is serious, quiet, and intelligent, with a charmingly self-deprecating sense of humor. And he'll be a damn fine Auror, too. As for queer – well, I don't know yet, but I can hope, right?"

"I guess I always pictured you going for someone a bit … showier."

"Like myself, you mean? Well, not only is one of me more than enough for any relationship, just because I like to live large doesn't mean I don't appreciate the more _serious side_ of things."

James groaned. "Tired old puns aside, you really have got it bad, haven't you? I suppose you've never done anything by halves, so why love?" 

"Precisely, James, precisely."

He was just about to continue and see if James wanted to pop round to the pub and have a few celebratory rounds, when the Prewetts rushed up to them, looking only slightly the worse for Firewhiskey.

"Just the blokes we wanted to find," Gideon said.

"You fellas in the mood for a good fight?" Fabian asked.

"What's this, then?" James asked.

"Seems we hacked someone off but good when we managed to arrest that Lestrange woman last week," Gideon reported. "Anyway, we have it on good authority that they're planning to ambush us on our way home today." 

"We were hoping that two such strapping lads and superb Aurors as yourselves wouldn't mind helping us take them out?" 

"Normally we'd do it ourselves, but there'll be about a dozen of them, and we're a bit tipsy. Wouldn't want to risk it." 

Sirius clapped them both on the back. "I'm in! Hell, we don't even need James here. I'm in such fine fettle today, I could take on three dozen dark wizards; a dozen'll be no trouble at all! Where're we Apparating to?"

"They're waiting somewhere between The Leaky Cauldron and our flat." 

"Excellent. I'll see you there!" And Sirius Disapparated with a 'pop'.


	2. Act Two

_Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Cyrano de Bergerac belonged to Edmond Rostand. My apologies to both. _

* * *

"Oi, Pete!" Sirius bellowed over the chatter of the dozens of sugared-up children and several noisy groups of teenagers currently patronizing Pettigrew's Pleasures Sweets and Snacks. He opened and closed the shop door a few times to ring the bell, for good measure.

"Sirius!" Peter called out, waving over the tops of the teenagers' heads. "I'll be with you as soon as I can! Bit of a crush right now!"

The shop really was a zoo. Sirius wondered if he and his cousin would be able to hear themselves think, let alone have a chat. Ah well. They could go somewhere else, if need be; if Peter was this busy, he wouldn't mind losing their little bit of custom.

Where to wait for Tonks, then? Sirius sauntered over to one of the small tables near the shop's windows and drew himself up to his full height from his customary insouciant slouch. "You!" he ordered the young couple who were occupying it, "out of my table!"

They fled immediately, and Sirius grinned as he sat down. The side benefits of all the tattoos and the leather jacket included the ability to intimidate. It came in handy when interrogating suspects, but also in more mundane situations.

After a few minutes the worst pack of teenagers and most of the kids had left, and Peter had a free moment to greet Sirius.

"Hey there, Sirius! I heard about your duel with Snivellus from James. I wish I could've seen it; it sounds like you really showed him!"

"Oh, you didn't miss much, Pete. It wasn't even my best duel of the day!" 

"Really? Who else did you duel?"

"I'll tell you all about it later. Right now, I'm waiting for my cousin Tonks to show up so she can quiz me on the glamorous life of an Auror."

"Oh! Well, if you're expecting someone, I'll just get back to stocking the shelves. Can I get you anything?" 

"Maybe just a pumpkin juice, and a spare bit of parchment and quill? I hate to waste time just sitting, when I could be plotting my next brilliant prank."

"No problem. I'll leave the genius to work."

Peter hurried off, returning promptly with the requested beverage and writing supplies. Sirius caught him singing, under his breath, a song whose refrain featured "ludicrous Ludo".

Sirius stared at the blank parchment for some moments, wondering what his next great exploit should be. The Quidditch forfeit would be hard to top. Maybe something at work? But he had already charmed all the faucets in the Ministry lavatories to spout water that turned your hands blue earlier this week, not to mention the slow Shrinking Charm he had put on the towels in the Aurors' showers.

He couldn't concentrate. "Hey, Peter, could you switch off the Quidditch game? It's distracting."

Peter made to protest. "But it's Bats vs. Kestrels-"

"Genius at work here, remember?"

He grumbled a little, but he gave in. Switching the wireless to another station, which was playing a nice, soothing instrumental number, he asked, "That suit you?" 

"Much better, thanks, Pete."

As Sirius gazed again at the blank parchment, it suddenly hit him. It wasn't a prank he should be planning next; it was something much, much bigger than that. Grinning, he took up the quill and wrote, "A Brilliant Plan to Make Remus Lupin Fall in Love with Me" at the top of the sheet with a flourish.

He was on step 35, 'Begin dropping hints that tweed looks much sexier on the floor than on him, even', when the shop bell rang again and Tonks stumbled in.

"Wotcher, Sirius!" Tonks greeted him.

"_Tabula rasa_," Sirius muttered, tapping the parchment containing his list, which obediently went blank. "Hey there, Tonks. C'mon over and sit down." He gestured towards the seat across from him at the table. "Hey, Pete, another pumpkin juice over here when you get a chance?"

"Sure thing, Sirius." Peter replied.

"So, how's my favorite cousin these days?" Tonks asked after she had gotten herself settled.

"Oh, you know me. I never change. Get up late, go to work, track down miscreants and scofflaws with much flair and derring-do, out to the pub, home again as late as possible. It's you I want to hear about. What have you been up to since you finished school?"

Peter returned with the pumpkin juice. "Thanks, Peter. Other than put up with Malfoy and Snape? To be honest, I'm not so sure. Finding myself, or some such thing. Mum keeps hinting that I should travel, but I can't think where I'd go, so I just keep picking up shifts at Quality Quidditch Supplies and trying to enjoy my last year of freedom."

"So you're still thinking of Auror training?"

"Yup. I'm still planning to apply with the next batch of N.E.W.T. students. And I'm still worried about stealth."

"And you wanted to ask your favorite cousin, the closest thing you've got to a big brother, for some tips, right? Hoping to get on the inside track?"

"Well, not exactly. I mean, yeah, advice would be great, but that's not quite why I wanted to talk to you."

"Then why? You said it had something to do with the Aurors."

"Before I say anything, Sirius, you have to promise you won't tease me, or him, or go all 'closest thing to a big brother' on me and drive him away."

"Oh, so ickle Nymphadora fancies some big strong Auror, is that it?"

He should have known better than to tease her like that, he thought. He had barely finished the sentence before she had hit him with a Tongue-Tie jinx.

"What was that?"

He painfully mouthed an approximation of 'I'm sorry, Tonks' around the large bow his tongue had tied itself into. As soon as she'd performed the counter-jinx, he added, "How did I forget how quick you are with a wand?"

"Well, it _has_ been a while since you slipped up and called me Nymphadora. And I've been on edge about it for weeks because Malfoy and Snape will insist on using it, and I can't very well jinx them, so…"

"Well, I'm sorry. Won't happen again, and I promise not to tease or drive anyone away. But you do fancy one of my fellow Aurors, eh? I can't blame you. Some of them are very fanciable."

"Actually, it's more he fancies me, and I was hoping you'd introduce us, y'know."

"Introduce you? How d'you know he fancies you if you haven't even met?" 

"I've seen him at Quidditch games. He hardly takes his eyes off me. It's like he's studying me, as if I'm a really fascinating book, or something." Tonks blushed, apparently embarrassed at her flight of fancy, but Sirius hardly noticed. _As if I'm a really fascinating book…_ That was exactly how he had felt, the few times Remus Lupin had given him more than a cursory glance when their paths crossed at work. A worrisome idea began to form in his mind.

"So he turns his golden eyes on you and you go weak at the knees?" _Please let it be someone else, please let her say 'What do you mean, golden?'_

"Dunno what color his eyes are; I've never seen him close enough to tell. But his name's Remus Lupin."

_Dammit. Dammit._ It was Lupin. So much for brilliant plans to make him fall in love with Sirius; he was already in love with Sirius's _cousin_.

"What, is there something wrong with him? Sirius?" Tonks waved a hand in front of his face and he broke out of his reverie.

"Sorry, what?"

"You went all pale on me of a sudden. What, does Lupin have some sort of dark secret I should know about?" 

"No! No, not at all. Nothing wrong with him at all, in fact. You, my cousin, have excellent taste in men. Must run in the family." He attempted a smirk at that. If there was one thing growing up in Grimmauld Place had taught him, it was that you couldn't let anyone see how you really felt.

"You had me worried there. He looks so unassuming, at least from a distance; it's always the quiet ones who're trouble. So you'll introduce us? Talk to him at work, maybe bring him round the pub tomorrow night?" 

"Of course," Sirius replied automatically. "What else are almost big brothers for?"

"Thanks, Sirius, you're the best. Oh dear, I'm late for my shift at Quality Quidditch! Gotta run!" And with that, she was out of her seat, putting her coat back on. Halfway out the door, she turned back around and said, "Tomorrow evening at the Leaky Cauldron, right? You'll make sure he's there?"

"Sure," Sirius replied. His eyes followed her through the window as she made her way down the street, past the pack of noisy teenagers, who were now outside Zonko's, and a broken red umbrella lying in the gutter.

_Bloody hell._ Lupin was straight. Lupin was straight and fancied his baby cousin. Sirius stood up mechanically and began putting on his jacket. He needed to get out of Pete's and go somewhere else. He was no longer in the mood for pumpkin juice; he needed Firewhiskey.

As soon as Sirius walked in the door of the Leaky Cauldron, he wished he hadn't. Unfortunately, it was too late. Before he could turn around and walk right back out, they spotted him. 

Couldn't a bloke just drown his sorrows in Firewhiskey in peace? Why did James and half the other Aurors in his unit have to be here, of all places, grinning and shouting at him and waving him over to their table?

"Sirius, get over here!" James called out.

"Black! We're just celebrating on your behalf!" added Shacklebolt.

Someone clapped Sirius on the back so hard his eyes watered. "Aye, lad, it seems you're the hero of the day."

_Moody_ was here? Moody never came to the pub.

"Hear you outdid yourself last night, defending the Prewetts. We might make a decent Auror of you yet, Black."

From Moody, that was high praise. Sirius struggled to respond. "Er, thanks, sir. It wasn't anything, really."

Moody squinted at him. "Sirius Black, modest? What's gotten into you, lad? You are Sirius Black, aren't you?"

Luckily, it seemed Moody was in a good mood, as he showed no real inclination to drag Sirius back to the Ministry and grill him for proof of his identity.

"Sorry, sir. Just need a drink, I think." Moody humphed, and Sirius turned and headed for the bar.

"Firewhiskey, Tom. The whole bottle, if you will." Sirius turned his head to find James beside him at the bar. He should've known. He could fool the rest of them, but not James.

"The whole bottle, eh? What the hell happened? When I left you last night after the scuffle, you were on top of the world."

"I don't want to talk about it. At least, not right now."

"No, right now you just want to drink yourself stupid, eh?" Sirius glared at him. "All right, all right."

"I will tell you. Just not right now."

But James's attention had been captured by something else. "You might want to hold off on that 'drink yourself stupid' plan for the moment, mate, because trouble just walked into the Leaky Cauldron."

Sirius turned towards the door. "What the bloody hell is _he_ doing here?" 

"Not exactly his kind of place, is it? Better get out your finest single-malt, Tom. Lucius Malfoy just walked in the door." 

Sirius and James both turned back to the bar and acted busy, waiting for Sirius's Firewhiskey, but it seemed they weren't going to be so lucky as to escape Malfoy's attention; he headed straight toward them as soon as he spotted them.

"Good afternoon, Sirius."

That caught Sirius off-guard. Malfoy hadn't called him by his first name since Sirius had been Sorted into Gryffindor. "Lucius," he replied carefully. "What brings you to this fine establishment?"

"You, I must admit." Malfoy's tone was polite, but he looked uncomfortable; clearly, he was hating every moment of this. "Word has reached the Minister of your…exploit…last night, and he feels you are to be congratulated."

"Well, that's ruddy generous of him," Sirius replied, enjoying the way Malfoy tried to hide his anger at Sirius's casual tone, heartache momentarily forgotten. "Gonna offer me an Order of Merlin for it?" 

"Not quite up to those standards, no," Malfoy continued, still with his façade of _politesse_. "But he did suggest you are somewhat…underused in the Ministry as a patrol Auror. He was wondering if you might be interested in coming to work in my department?"

Sirius took a moment just to savor how irritated Malfoy must have been just to have to make him that offer. And then he took another moment to imagine how angry he was going to be when Sirius gave him his reply. There was nothing quite like taking a bad mood out on someone else, especially when that someone deserved it. He felt better already.

"What, the Department of Pure-blood Snobbery, Bribery and Bugg-" 

"Yes, well, you'd know all about that last one, wouldn't you, Black?" Malfoy dropped the pretense of civility. "I take it you are, unsurprisingly, uninterested?"

"Uninterested in becoming a sycophantic petty bureaucrat? You got it. I'm happy where I am, in the only department of the damned Ministry that does shite."

"You'd do well to remember that Fudge is your boss, Black, before you speak so rashly."

"Well then, I take it back. The only department, aside from Misuse of Muggle Artifacts, that does shite. I have to give Arthur Weasley the credit he's due."

Malfoy bared his teeth. "Very well. You have made your answer very clear, if extraordinarily crudely. But I warn you, Black. Despite your status as a blood traitor, I had been inclined to let you be, for your name and for Narcissa's sake. From now on, I shall not be so _kind_." 

Before Sirius could formulate a properly flippant reply, Malfoy had spun on his heel and, parting the crowd with his snake-headed cane, was gone.

When Malfoy was safely out the door, Sirius turned around to find James regarding him earnestly.

"What?" 

"Now that you've taken your bad mood out on Malfoy – not the smartest thing you've ever done, by the way-"

"So what should I have done? Accepted Fudge's job offer, sat around the Ministry with my thumb up my arse all day?"

"No, no, no, I'm not saying that- it's just, opportunities for promotion don't come around everyday. I mean, old Moody's never gonna retire, or get himself killed, for that matter, so it's not like either of us is in the running for that job…"

"Oh, I know what this is about. Lily been worrying again? Well, a wife and a kid are two things I'm never going to have, so I can afford to please myself."

"Sure, please yourself, but you didn't have to piss all over Malfoy just to turn the job down, you know. He's dangerous!"

"So am I."

"All I'm saying is be careful. Someday you'll hack off the wrong person, Sirius."

"Yeah, whatever, I'll be careful, _mum_." 

James rolled his eyes at that, but hadn't been distracted from his original objective. "Anyway, are you ready now to tell me what's wrong?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Where was Tom with that Firewhiskey, anyway? "Just something Tonks said. It's not a big deal."

"Tonks upset you? That's a new one. Usually you two get on like a house on fire."

"Yeah, well, I'm not mad at her or anything, so don't worry. In fact, I'm meeting her again here tomorrow night. Like I said, it's nothing."

"Why's she want to see you again so soon?"

"She wants me to introduce her to someone, all right? Now dammit, James can we just drop the subject?"

But James wasn't Sirius's best mate for nothing. Understanding dawned on his face, and he said, "'Someone' is Lupin, isn't it? You both fancy the same bloke, don't you? That's lousy."

"Tell me about it," Sirius mumbled to the bar, which was the closest he'd come to admitting James was right.

After a few moments of awkward silence, James clapped him on the back. "Well, here's Tom with the Firewhiskey, and there's a whole table of Aurors back there who want to hear your version of last night's events, my friend, so can you do that?"

Sirius straightened up. "Of course. Sirius Black is always ready to impress an audience."

"No more bad mood?"

"I'll do my best. I _do_ feel much better after telling Malfoy off, y'know." Sirius grabbed the bottle of Firewhiskey. "C'mon, let's go celebrate!"

Remus Lupin's first day as an official, fully-qualified Auror of the British Ministry of Magic wasn't going the way he had imagined it.

He had shown up for training as usual, only to be told that the department was satisfied with his abilities and had decided to qualify him early. This wasn't a surprise; he had already held the equivalent position in the French Ministry for a full year, so the training had always been more or less a formality.

He had been assigned to Alastor Moody's unit, which wasn't a complete surprise, but wasn't necessarily good news, either. Oh, Moody's unit was widely agreed to be the best in the department, so he supposed it was an honor of sorts, but it was also made up almost exclusively of former Gryffindors, a status Remus had no claim to, since he hadn't even been to Hogwarts. Moody's Aurors, he had heard, loved to tease outsiders from the other houses who were assigned to the unit, often to the point of forcing transfers. He didn't know how they'd react to a complete outsider like himself. He had met James Potter already, at least, and he had seemed friendly, but that was before Remus had been assigned to the unit.

So he had made his way to Moody's office, nerves on edge about how he would be accepted, only to discover that the whole unit, on and off-duty, had popped off to the pub! Now he knew he wasn't going to fit in, even if he didn't face taunts about his background. Remus couldn't even remember the last time he had skived off anything.

So now, instead of finding himself out in the field, arresting law-breakers, he was in the Leaky Cauldron, making his way toward the noisiest table in the establishment, where he was reasonably certain he'd find his new colleagues.

Sure enough, he walked right into the back of Kingsley Shacklebolt. "Oh, hullo," he said, awkwardly. 

"Lupin! Finally judged you ready for duty, I see. Been assigned to this madhouse, have you?" He grinned sympathetically.

"Any advice for dealing with the chaos?"

"Well, you know Moody from the training. He's not hard to get along with; just do your best and practice CONSTANT VIGILANCE, and he'll put up with you. But if you want to avoid trouble, my advice is to befriend it: Sirius Black. If he likes you, you're in."

"And what's the best way to get Sirius Black to like you?" he wondered aloud.

"I can only tell you what _not_ to do."

"And what's that?"

"He'll make cracks about it himself, but don't let that fool you. Never tease him about being-" here Kingsley made a gesture, bending his hand at an angle- "In fact, to be safe, don't even mention it."

"Really? He's-" Remus made the hand gesture.

"Don't let him see you!" Remus hastily dropped his hand. "But yeah, yeah, he sure is."

"Oh." Well, that saved him some awkward feeling around about how such matters stood here in wizarding Britain. If he was serious about trying for Nymphadora Tonks, though, it would hardly matter that sometimes, the object of his affections was decidedly less feminine.

How to make a good impression on Black? From what he'd seen and heard of man, he despised kiss-arses, so perhaps a more…_counterintuitive_ approach was required.

Sirius Black, meanwhile, had been caught up in the crush of his fellow Aurors on his way back to the table, and then was so busy downing celebratory shots of Firewhiskey and fending off the clamor of his friends for the full story on his daring rescue of the Prewetts, that he didn't even notice the appearance of a person he both did and didn't want to see.

Finally he decided he had kept them all in suspense long enough. "So you lot want to hear the story of how I dueled twelve Dark wizards at once and saved the Prewetts' arses?" he hollered over the noise of the pub. 

"Yes!" came the answering shouts.

"Well then, shut it and listen!" The Aurors clustered around the table obediently fell silent.

Sirius took another swallow of Firewhiskey, then began. "Well, I was at the Quidditch game, just minding my own business-" guffaws at that- "when my good friends Fabian and Gideon came to me for help. It seems somebody out there-" he coughed something that sounded suspiciously like 'Lucius Malfoy'- "was upset by their arrest of Bellatrix Lestrange, and had laid a foul trap for them. A dozen Dark wizards were lying in wait for them between this very pub and their flat, planning on catching them drunk and unawares!"

"It takes more than an amateurish trap like that, though, to snare Gryffindors! Forewarned by a note left with old Tom, the brothers knew just what to do: come get yours truly, the finest Auror they know."

"Immediately I Apparated to the pub, and once Fabian and Gideon, and Potter here, saw fit to join me, I instructed them to lead the way and spring the trap, while I followed behind, face covered so I couldn't be recognized, wand at the ready." 

Sirius paused here for more Firewhiskey, only to find himself interrupted. "What, were you disguised as an arse burglar?" 

Sirius nearly spit out the Firewhiskey. "Who said that?" 

The crowd of Aurors, murmuring, parted to reveal Lupin, sipping a Butterbeer and looking as calm and collected as ever. It wasn't enough that the man fancied Sirius's cousin, oh no; he had to imagine himself some sort of witty gay-basher, as well. Perhaps Sirius was well clear of him, after all. He made to get up from the table, but realized he had promised Tonks to be nice to Lupin; beating the shite out of him certainly wouldn't qualify, even if he had good reason. He decided to ignore the interruption.

"The Prewetts passed a dark alley; the Dark wizards attacked. Immediately I began firing off Body-Binds; six Dark wizards down, six to go. I trapped three with a _Retiarius_ jinx, then turned my attention to picking off the last three one by one."

"The first one cast a Stunner, but I dodged it easily, and fired back with a Jelly-Legs Jinx that put him out of commission. The next one I easily blinded-"

"Let me guess, you lifted his shirt over his head?"

Persistent bugger, that Lupin. This one almost made Sirius laugh, though. Pretty clever, actually. 

"-with an _Ombrosus_, then another Body-Bind. The last one was a bit cleverer; he tried to hide in the edges of the cloud cast by the _Ombrosus_, so I couldn't see him, but I had his game figured. I snuck up behind him and-"

"Stuck your wand right up his arse?" Lupin asked, arching one eyebrow questioningly.

All right, that was _it_. Whatever Lupin was playing at, he clearly was _playing_, sitting there all perfectly composed, sipping at his Butterbeer. If he wanted Sirius's attention, he had it.

"If you prats will excuse me," Sirius said, "I believe Lupin and I need to talk. _In private_."

Remus cautiously followed Black through the pub towards the back and the alley that was the concealed entrance to Diagon Alley. If Black was going to punch him, he had rather expected him to do it right there and then, in front of the others, so this detour was a bit mysterious.

They entered the cramped space and Black carefully shut the door to the Leaky Cauldron behind them before turning to face Remus. For a moment he just stared, and Remus was about to stammer out an apology, some sort of explanation, when Black suddenly spat on his right palm, then extended the hand.

"Friends?" he asked.

Remus just stared at him, flabbergasted. This calm, heck, _friendly_, reaction was not at all what he had anticipated.

Black made to pull back his hand. "Sorry. I suppose they don't do that spit thing at Beauxbatons."

Before he could retract his hand entirely, Remus grasped it and shook it. "No, no. We did that too. It's just- well, I was expecting you to thrash me, not befriend me."

Black laughed. "Who wouldn't want to be friends with a bloke who had the stones to do what you just did? Deliberately baiting me in front of the whole unit!"

Remus winced. "Sorry about that, I just wanted to try and fit in, and they said I should get on your good side, and I know you hate kiss-arses, so…. It was-"

"Crazy like only a Gryffindor could be, is what it was! Who cares if you didn't go to Hogwarts? There's only one answer the Sorting Hat could've given you, Lupin. So _relax_. Your plan to impress me by hacking me off worked. Besides, we have more important things to discuss." 

"Like what?"

"Like a certain Nymphadora Tonks."

Remus once again found himself surprised by the turn conversation had taken. "Tonks? You know her?"

"Yes, indeed. The young lady in question happens to be my favorite cousin. Now I understand that you've shown some interest, from afar, in dear Tonks, and I also happen to know that she would like to you to show that interest a bit closer up, as it were."

"Really?" Remus asked. He took this opportunity, with an audience that apparently knew Tonks well, to voice his doubts. "Why? I mean…I'm boring. I dress conservatively and I stay at home most nights and read and I'm just not cool enough for someone like her."

Black seemed a bit taken aback by the outburst, but then softened. "Is that really what you think matters? How 'cool' you are? Well, I can't speak for Tonks, but _I_ happen to think that what you just did in there was pretty cool, in its way. You cracked some pretty witty jokes at my expense." Seeing Remus still looked doubtful, he continued. "And who's to say my cousin wants someone 'cool', anyway? Maybe she'd appreciate someone deeper, someone who sees beyond the pink hair and is interested in her as a person? You could be that man, my friend."

"I suppose…"

"I don't just suppose, I _know_. And you'll have my help, too. I've known Tonks since she was a kid, so I can tell you all about her. Even beyond that- I happen to have, in my pocket at this very moment, a genuine Sirius Black plan to make someone fall in love." He pulled out a piece of apparently blank parchment. "Just a few quick charms, and it'll fit you and my cousin to a 'T'!" Tapping the parchment with his wand, he muttered, "_Tabula Scriptulosa_" and then "_Diversis Generis_" before handing it to Remus.

"'A Brilliant Plan to Make Nymphadora Tonks Fall in Love with Remus Lupin'," Remus read. "How'd you do that? Make it correspond to me, I mean? I never learnt any charms like that at Beauxbatons."

"They weren't anywhere on the Hogwarts curriculum, either, but some friends and I did a little independent study in magical map-making. I picked up all kinds of things to do with parchment and ink then." 

"'Number One: Shave off your moustache. If you simply must have facial hair, replace with edgier, younger-looking goatee.' Do I have to? I rather like my moustache."

"Trust me, Lupin. Consider it spring cleaning, just for your face."


	3. Act Three

_Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Cyrano de Bergerac belonged to Edmond Rostand. My apologies to both. _

* * *

When Sirius stopped by Tonks' flat to see if she was coming out to the pub that night, he was surprised to find that Peter was already there.

"Peter! What brings you to visit my lovely cousin?"

"I just had another shopgirl quit, and I was hoping to lure Tonks here away from Quality Quidditch, but despite all my best efforts, including the offer of a higher wage, she's turned me down."

"Sorry, Pete. I do have a few friends who might be interested, though," Tonks said. "Let me ask around."

"Thanks, Tonks." Peter got up from the chair he'd been seated in and grabbed his umbrella. "Sorry, I'd love to chat more, but I'd better be getting back to the shop. I left James behind the counter and he'll have given free sweets to every fit girl who came in while I was gone."

"I'll stop by the shop soon, all right? We haven't talked in weeks," Sirius said.

"And I'll send some friends your way, okay? As soon as I can, so you can get away from that shop and come out with us to the pub once in a while."

"I'm looking forward to it already," Peter replied.

When Peter was gone, Tonks turned to Sirius. "So what brings you here, anyway?" 

"Just popped in to see if you'll be at the pub tonight." 

"Of course! I'm looking forward to it."

"So you aren't sick of Lupin yet?" Sirius teased, wishing the answer to the question wasn't so important to him.

"I'm not sure I could ever get sick of Remus," Tonks replied dreamily, and Sirius tried to conceal the twinge he felt at that. He couldn't help but agree, though.

"He's just so fascinating," Tonks continued. "I mean, it's not every day you meet a man who knows Sanskrit _and_ saw the Hobgoblins live at Queerditch Marsh."

"True," Sirius allowed. In fact, Tonks hadn't met one yet; Remus knew Sanskrit, that was true, but Sirius was the one who had been at the concert. Sirius had shared the memory with him when Remus was worried that he couldn't impress Tonks with his taste in music. In the end, Remus had agreed that the show was 'pretty darn amazing', so Sirius didn't think it was a _malicious_ lie; Remus did have good taste in music, now, thanks to him.

"And he's turned me on to some cool Muggle authors, too." That one was all Remus; when he had run a list by Sirius, he hadn't recognized a single name. Like Tonks, he was know reading a few things from the list, and had to admit he was impressed by the variety of Remus's interests.

"For two people who met because the eye-catching hair of one led the other to stare at her at Quidditch matches, you two seem to have an awful lot in common." 

"It's almost scary, isn't it? In fact, I suspect _someone_ of giving Remus some tips on me."

"Only a few," Sirius protested. And really, other than general advice and one Pensieve memory, there had only been the (ironically altered) plan; and that had really only made a few common-sense suggestions. Remus probably would've thought of most of them on his own, given enough time. Like the moustache; he really did look younger (and handsomer) without it, and Sirius had accompanied him to the barber's where he'd also gotten a more flattering haircut, on Sirius's advice. And the new Muggle clothes; he had even asked Sirius to come along and help pick them out, which had been an enjoyable, if in some ways frustrating, afternoon.

"Why don't you come out with us tonight? You never seem to be at the Cauldron anymore when I stop in, and I'd like to see you. Bring James along, and I promise Remus and I won't ignore you to make goo-goo eyes at each other, or anything sickening like that. C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Sirius had been dodging just such an invitation for weeks; thus his convenient absence from The Leaky Cauldron. Before he could formulate a good excuse, there was a loud 'crack' and Peter appeared.

"Back so soon?" Tonks asked.

"Sorry, but I was walking back to the shop, as it isn't far, and I almost ran right into Lucius Malfoy on his way here! I know he'd as soon _Avada Kedavra_ Sirius as look at him, at the moment, so I thought I'd come back and warn you."

"Thanks, Peter," Sirius said. "Tonks, I'll just be off, then, but I'll come back and check on you once Malfoy's gone, all right? I know, I know: you can take care of yourself, but Malfoy's dangerous and he knows we're cousins; he might've given up on wooing you and decided you'd better serve as a way to hurt me."

"If you insist on being overprotective, O closest thing I have to a big brother, I suppose I'll humor you."

"Fine. I'll be watching your building for Malfoy leaving, and I'll see you again momentarily."

Once Peter and Sirius had Disapparated, Tonks Banished Peter's mug of tea to the kitchen, feeling pleased with herself for remembering the detail, and then sat down at the table and pretended to work on the crossword.

Malfoy knocked only a minute or so later. Tonks didn't change her physical appearance one bit, but she did mentally don her 'dumb' face as she opened the door.

"Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasant surprise," she simpered as she let him in. "What brings you by my little flat? It's a long way from Malfoy Manor." She fluttered her eyelashes, just a little.

"I do wish you would take me up on my offer and call me Lucius, Nymphadora. We are friends, after all."

"Oh, I just couldn't! Me, on first name terms with a powerful man like you? And you're so much older than me, too. I just wouldn't feel right." She settled herself back down at the table with the crossword. He hated it when she didn't give him her full attention.

Malfoy didn't press the issue, but continued on. "Severus and I were wondering if you were free to accompany us to the opera this evening. A wonderful production of Wagner, _Das Rheingold_. Wizarding, of course, as befits the composer himself."

"Oh, it sounds _terribly_ fascinating, but I'm afraid I've already made other plans. Maybe next week?" she answered brightly. The key to handling Malfoy, she had found, was to never act as if she understood the seriousness of any situation. She could thwart him in any number of ways, as long as he thought she was too dumb to be doing it purposefully.

"You've had prior engagements so often lately, Nymphadora. I do hope you've not found someone new? Severus will be terribly upset to hear it." The tone was courteous, but she heard the danger underneath.

"I would never toy with Severus like that. No, no, it's just a sick relative, elderly, who appreciates my company. Speaking of relatives, how is my dear aunt Narcissa?" Not that Tonks actually gave two shakes about her mother's sister, or Narcissa about her, but the mention of his wife never failed to discompose Malfoy.

"How selfless of you to volunteer your time. Narcissa is quite well, of course. I'm sure she'll be delighted that you asked after her." Tonks was sure Narcissa would not be delighted at all, as she would have preferred to pretend her sister's half-breed brat didn't exist even before her husband began planning an affair with her.

"Speaking further of relatives, how friendly are you and your cousin Sirius Black?" That caught her off guard, but she recovered quickly. 

"Sirius? Oh, he used to come by the house quite a bit when I was younger, but until the Quidditch match a month ago I hadn't seen him in _ages_, and I haven't seen him since. We don't have much in common, I suppose."

"Really? I should think you would, as he is, after all, an Auror, a career I am afraid I still have not managed to dissuade you from. So unsuitable for a young lady of your…talents."

"Oh, let's not have that argument again now! I'm just stubborn, I'm afraid. You'll never change my mind."

"Well, it eases my mind to know you and Black aren't close. I hope you won't miss him terribly during his extended absence."

"Absence?" 

"Oh yes. The Minister just decided to send his Auror unit to Romania for a six-month stake-out of a suspected Dark training camp."

"_Remus!_"

"What was that, Nymphadora?"

"Er, Remus was Romulus's brother, right? It's for my crossword."

"Yes. As I was saying, Black will soon be cooling his heels in the back woods of Eastern Europe."

She couldn't let him (and it was him behind this, she was sure) send Remus to Romania for six months! That was a whole half a year! She had to convince him to change his mind. If he was doing this to hurt Sirius…

"Oh, he'll love that!"

"Pardon me?"

"Cousin Sirius. He'll love that. He's always been fascinated by Eastern European wizardry. I remember, when he was at Hogwarts, he always used to mention History of Magic in his owls to us, and all the great wizards who'd come from there. He'll be so glad of an opportunity to see it with his own eyes."

"You can't be serious. I mean, I thought you said you didn't know Black well?"

"It was his childhood dream. I knew him better then, and I'm sure it hasn't changed."

Malfoy appeared to consider this new information. "Hmm. Well, it wouldn't do to have Black distracted by the sights like a tourist. It could jeopardize the whole operation," he rationalized. "I'll have to suggest sending another unit to the Minister."

Tonks managed not to sigh in relief at that. "Well, I'm sure you'll want to go straight to the Ministry and tell him that, then," she said, standing. "Thank you again for the invitation to the Vog-whatsit."

"Wagner. But the Minister could wait, Nymphadora, if you wanted, perhaps, to offer me a cup of tea…" 

"I'm afraid I'm fresh out of tea. Of everything, really. Been having my meals with the sick relative, you know. And she is expecting me any minute, so…"

"I shan't keep you any longer, then. But you will save an evening for Severus and me next week?"

"Yes, of course, _Lucius_," she offered. Anything to get him out the door.

He looked greasily content at the use of his first name. "Dora – if I may call you that?"

No, he bloody well couldn't, only her mother called her Dora, but she smiled encouragingly at him all the same. "My great-aunt'll be wondering where I am if I don't Floo over soon…"

"So eager to do your familial duty. Well then, I shall say goodbye- until next week." And with that, he _finally_ left, closing the door behind him.

When Sirius Apparated into the flat a minute or so after Malfoy left, Tonks decided not to tell him that much of her and Malfoy's conversation had been about him. Sirius took being an Auror very seriously; he didn't have any of the silly motives she'd told Malfoy for wanting to go to Romania, but he'd have wanted to go all the same, because it was an exciting, and dangerous, assignment. What he didn't know, he couldn't get mad about, and she had only done it to keep Remus and him safe, anyway.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

"He wanted to know if I was free to go to the opera this evening."

"Let me guess, Wagner?"

"Of course. Only proper pure-blood wizarding opera for the Malfoys."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I'm taking care of a sick great-aunt. But he's getting suspicious; he asked if I was seeing someone."

"He's going to find out eventually, you know."

"Yeah, well, hopefully not until Remus and I are already married, or something," Tonks joked, but was surprised to see Sirius flinch a little. "What, you don't want me getting married? That's carrying the over-protective big brother thing to a bit of an extreme, don't you think?"

"Yeah, well, I can't help it," Sirius replied. "I mean look at you, so helpless and feminine, and Lupin, bad boy that he is, is clearly taking advantage of you."

"Helpless and feminine, eh? Do you _want_ to be hexed, cousin of mine?" 

"Sorry, sorry, I take it back. You are neither helpless nor particularly feminine." He grinned cheekily.

"Not any better," Tonks grumbled, but she didn't hex him.

"Well, as you seem to have life and limb intact, I'll be going, then." 

"Don't forget you're meeting Remus and I at the Three Broomsticks tonight, and to bring James if he's free."

"The Three Broomsticks? What, no Cauldron tonight?"

"Nope. It should be a bit quieter in Hogsmeade, don't you think? Remus has been trying so hard to fit in with my crowd and impress me, and I'm hoping in a less rowdy place he'll be more himself. I'd like to see the more thoughtful side of him."

"Well, if you want a quiet atmosphere, are you sure you want to invite me and James along?"

"Of course I want to see you and James too, you twit. Now didn't you say you were going?"

"Okay, okay. Unlike Malfoy, I can take a hint. I'll see you tonight, at Rosmerta's."

Sirius appeared outside Remus's flat with a loud 'crack'. They had gotten into the habit of meeting before Remus's and Tonks's pub nights, so Sirius could share a few last-minute tips and make sure Remus had dressed appropriately in his new Muggle clothing, some of which he was still unsure about.

He knocked, and heard a muffled 'be right there!' before the door opened to reveal Remus, who was wearing Sirius's favorite of all the new shirts they'd picked out for him. It was a shade of green which made his warm golden eyes seem to glow even more. It looked like he'd got a haircut, too, _and_ he was wearing cologne.

"Remus! You look good," Sirius said, stepping into the flat. _Good enough to eat with a spoon_, he thought, once again cursing the whole affair. It was torture: wanting to help his cousin, being jealous of his cousin; wanting to be near Remus, wanting to forget about Remus and move on. "Something special about tonight?"

"Yes. I mean, I hope so. It's been a month, and I don't think that's too soon- or maybe it's not soon enough? Did she expect me to make a move before now? But she did ask me to The Three Broomsticks tonight, and that's quieter, more romantic; I thought she was sending me a sign, there, but Merlin knows I could be wrong- I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"Not a bit, my friend."

"It's just- I'm so nervous- I think- I think tonight's the night." 

"The night?"

"You know." He blushed. "_The_ night."

"Oh. _Oh_." 

Sirius felt like he had been punched in the gut, and it must've showed, because Remus asked, "What? What's wrong?" 

"You can't just tell a bloke you intend to shag his baby cousin, spring it on him like that," Sirius said, falling back on his familial affection for Tonks as a cover, not for the first time.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't think. You've just been so enthusiastic about getting us together, I thought you'd be happy for us. And maybe help me?"

"How? Sorry, but even if she wasn't my cousin, my expertise does not include techniques for shagging _birds_."

"No. No, of course it doesn't." Remus colored again. "I didn't mean _that_, I meant help me figure out how to put her in the mood on our date, how to suggest it to her so she agrees, that sort of thing." 

"I think you're on your own this time, mate. I just came from her place, and she told me she wants you to _be yourself_ tonight. So you should do it your way, is what I'd say."

"Be myself? What! Why? I thought she liked the cooler me? Didn't you say if I wanted to live with wolves, I had to howl like one, or something? Why'd she change her mind?"

"I don't think she changed her mind, precisely. She does think you're cool, trust me, and she likes that, but she wants to see your more serious side tonight: the bloke who stared at her from across a Quidditch pitch and made her feel like she was a fascinating book to be read." 

"She said that? The book thing?"

"She did say that."

"So no howling tonight?"

"Not that kind of howling, no," Sirius said, trying hard not to think about the implications of that, mostly just wanting to see Remus blush again. He looked good with more color in his cheeks.

"So you won't help at all?" Remus asked.

"Well, I suppose I'll be there to offer moral support, seeing as Tonks invited James and me along."

Remus groaned. "Well, I guess I'll just forget it, then. I can't very well cozen her into coming back to my flat with you and James snickering in the background." 

"We won't snicker! I'll hex James if he tries," Sirius promised, wondering why he was being helpful even in this; here was one thing he wouldn't be able to share in vicariously! "In fact, we won't come. I haven't even invited James yet. I just won't go, leave you a clear field."

"No, you should come. Tonks is expecting you, and if she invited you, it probably means she wasn't even thinking of it, anyway. It's too soon; she's not interested."

"Don't get so down on yourself, mate. She's interested, I'm sure of it," Sirius replied. _How could anyone _not _be interested?_ he wondered. "You can do this, even with James and me there, even by being yourself. _Especially_ by being yourself."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. You wanted my help with this earlier, right? I've decided I'll help. Now what did you have in mind?" _The things I do for people I love,_ he thought.

Remus ran through the scenarios he'd dreamed up one more time in his mind. Sirius really was a good friend, both to Tonks and to himself, to be willing to help like this. He must just like seeing people in love, Remus supposed; he wondered why he didn't seem to looking for it himself.

"Well," he began, "I was actually trying to think along the lines we'd been using before. Something cool, confident, sexy. That was why I wanted your help, because you know all about such things."

Sirius squirmed a little at the compliment. "I suppose you've ruled out getting her so pissed she can't help but agree? Because I hate to shatter your illusions, but that's how all the 'cool' kids pull, these days." 

"Definitely not my style, plus there's the incidental fact that Tonks can out-drink me, anyway," Remus laughed. "Now don't tease: the best line I could come up with was 'so, want to come back to my place and listen to some of my albums?'"

"Hey now, that's not bad at all. I mean, the line needs a little work, but the general approach is sound."

"Really?" 

"Really. A man's record collection says a lot about him, so it's good choice to show off all sides of you. And music will really set the mood, too."

"That's what I thought," Remus said.

"See? You should trust your instincts more. But there's room for improvement, of course. How were you planning to lead in to this invitation?"

"I just figured we'd talk about music, since we do that quite a bit, then I could work it in."

"Hm. That's a little bare bones. Let me think." Sirius moved towards one of the flat's windows and stared out it thoughtfully. "It's a Friday, right?" he asked after a few moments.

"Yes."

"All right, then, I have the perfect plan for you. On Fridays, there's always dancing at Rosmerta's, and don't give me that look, Remus Lupin, you went to Beauxbatons and I _know_ you can dance." 

"So what you do is this." Sirius approached Remus now. "You ask her to dance." Sirius extended his hand, and Remus tentatively took hold of it. "You hold her close-" Sirius pulled Remus towards him- "closer than this, of course, but-" Remus simply nodded, suddenly feeling speechless.

"Dance as long as you like, and when the moment is right, you simply lean in," he did so, "and whisper in her ear, 'I'd love to dance with you all night, my dear. Would you like to have our next dance alone, at my flat? I have some wonderful music for it." Remus could feel Sirius's breath tickling as he whispered this in _his_ ear. He tried very hard not to shiver.

Suddenly, Sirius pulled back, and with an inscrutable expression on his face, said, "That ought to do the trick."

_Yeah,_ thought Remus, but he wasn't sure he was thinking of Tonks.

"I just wish he wouldn't-"

"Keep looking at you. I know, mate, I know," James said sympathetically, if with a tinge of exasperation at the repetition of the complaint. "You'll have to get used to it, though, if you're going to stay friends with them both."

"Of course I'll stay friends with them! How could I not?"

"I'm just saying you have to accept that they're together, and move on." 

"I _have_ accepted it! I just wish Remus would stop looking at me like- like that!" Sirius pointed discreetly at Remus and Tonks, who were gamely attempting a galliard to keep up with the rather eclectic mix of music.

"I'm sure he's just trying to be friendly, make sure we're having a good time." 

Sirius downed the last of his fifth Firewhiskey. He felt horrible. He was a terrible cousin. He had almost kissed Remus! He'd only been trying to gather a little vicarious thrill under cover of demonstrating seduction techniques to Remus, but it had nearly gone too far. Much longer, and he would've lost his cousin's love, and Remus's friendship, too, and the very thought of that was too much. 

"Don't you think you should be giving up and finding someone new, Sirius?" James asked. "It's not healthy for you to spend so much time focusing on this, beating yourself up over it."

Sirius chuckled bitterly.

"What?" James asked.

"Do you remember me saying that exact thing to you in school, about Lily?"

"Well, that was different. I mean, my chances might've been slim, but I _had_ a chance. She came round in the end. But Remus-"

"I know- But trust me, James: it's not so different at all," Sirius replied.

"I just hate to see you like this," James said.

"I give me time." Sirius signaled Rosmerta for another Firewhiskey. Closing time was approaching, and pretty soon Remus would be putting his suggestion into practice, whispering in Tonks's ear just as he had in Remus's, but she'd know he meant it, and then…it didn't bear thinking about. Sirius turned so he couldn't see the dance floor and stared out the pub window instead.

Sirius was still staring out the window, occasionally sipping at his sixth Firewhiskey and ignoring James's attempts to start conversation, when Remus and Tonks returned to the table. 

"One last round, I thought, before we call it a night," Remus said. "Sirius, I'll need another set of hands to carry it all, do you mind?"

Sirius grunted. "Of course not," he said grudgingly, and stood.

As they made their way through the rather crowded pub to the bar, Remus chattered nervously. "So glad you and James could make it tonight. I really haven't seen enough of you- that is, I haven't seen you as often as I'd like to- neither has Tonks. She mentioned it, and we both agreed that you should come more often. Come out to the pub more often." 

Sirius gave a half-hearted "S'pose" to that. He was never having another night like this if he could help it.

"Another two Firewhiskeys and two Butterbeers, please," Remus said to Rosmerta when he had caught her attention.

"Make one of the Firewhiskeys a double," Sirius added. Perhaps by the time Remus and his cousin left, he could be unconscious.

"Thanks for coming to get the drinks with me, Sirius. I'm sorry if I keep nattering on, but I'm rather nervous about tonight, and you've been so helpful about everything, especially this afternoon-"

"It was nothing," Sirius put in at that. _It was nothing_, he repeated to himself. Nothing had happened, and nothing was going to happen. He should just forget about it; forget the smell of Remus's hair, forget how wonderfully nibble-able the juncture of his neck and shoulder had looked.

"Nothing," Remus repeated blankly. "Well, I thought it was…well, it certainly made me think. About Tonks, and about tonight-"

"Ah, here are the drinks!" Sirius interjected. "Ta, Rosmerta." He grabbed the two Firewhiskeys and immediately downed some of the double. He didn't want to hear what Remus was thinking about tonight. 

Remus was silent for the walk back to the table, and then he and Tonks had only a few sips of their Butterbeers before returning to the dance floor, Sirius presumed for the last time. He tried again to stare out the window and not think about it, but found his eyes drawn again and again to the dancing couple. What was Remus waiting for? The band had even settled down and was playing an appropriately slow and romantic song.

Finally, as Sirius watched, Remus leaned even closer in to Tonks and whispered in her ear. Sirius turned away, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the tears forming there to go away. He didn't want to see the smile on his cousin's face.

Tonks's voice heralded their return to the table. "Thanks for coming out, James, Sirius."

"Going so soon?" James asked.

"Yeah, it's almost closing time and we want to beat the rush. Are you and Sirius staying out, then?"

James glanced at Sirius, who was staring resolutely at the contents of his glass. "Yeah, I think so." 

"All right there, cuz?" Tonks asked.

Sirius looked up, forcing a smile onto his face. "Me? Of course. Had a lovely evening. Simply smashing."

"Glad to hear it," she replied. "Well, thanks again for joining us!" 

"Yes, it was good to see you both outside of work," Remus added, eyes flickering between James and Sirius.

And then Tonks grabbed her jacket and they started towards the door. Sirius turned back to the window, not wanting to watch them walk out hand in hand, and suddenly what he had been staring at blankly for half the evening registered in his mind. That nose could only belong to one wizard in all of Britain.

"Wait!" he called out after the pair. "Don't go!"

James tugged at his sleeve. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? Just because you're on your seventh Firewhiskey doesn't mean it's a good idea to blurt out some drunken confession and hurt Tonks _and_ Remus."

"S'not that-"

"What is it?" Remus asked as he and Tonks returned to the table.

"Look out the window. The bloke by the rain barrel across the way look familiar?"

"It's hard to say. He's got the hood of his cloak pulled up," Tonks said.

"Can you see his nose?" They all craned their necks for a better look. 

"Snivellus!" James cried.

"That's right. And where there's Snape-"

"There's Malfoy?" Tonks finished.

"That's right. I suspect he's on his way here. Probably been keeping an eye on Tonks, and knows she's here." 

"What should we do?" Remus asked.

"Well you two can't leave quite yet. If he spots you, there's no telling what he'll do. I'll go out there and try to distract him once he arrives. While I do that, you two can get away. Remus, I doubt he'd recognize you, but Tonks, you should probably wear a different face." 

"Can do."

"How will you distract him?" James asked.

"Oh, I'll think of something."

Unfortunately, James was not in the habit of bringing his Invisibility Cloak along on friendly trips to the local pub, so Sirius's first plan to delay Malfoy fell through immediately. Hidden in the alley outside the Three Broomsticks, he lamented that fact.

But he wasn't an Auror for nothing, was he? He'd taken Concealment and Disguise training. The essential thing was to make sure Malfoy didn't recognize him, which meant changing his appearance and his voice. But which of his catalogue of set disguises to use in this situation? He had just the thing.

Hair was easy, so he did that first, changing it from black to blond. With such different hair, he didn't bother to fuss with the much more detailed charms required to alter your facial features (if you weren't born a Metamorphmagus like Tonks). Instead, he Transfigured his robes into something a bit more … khaki, with multiple pockets and shorts, even. Sirius Black would never be caught dead in such a get-up. Malfoy would never suspect. After a moment's more thought, he added a hat whose wide brim had the additional advantage of hiding his face somewhat.

"G'day, mate," he said, trying on his best Aussie accent. He was rather pleased with the results. It had been a complete injustice that he had nearly failed Disguise for 'choosing conspicuous and showy costumes that did not blend into the environs'.

Just looking (and sounding) different wouldn't be enough to distract Malfoy, of course. What would an Australian wizard be doing out in Hogsmeade at two AM? There was no plausible reason, and once you had eliminated the plausible, the implausible remained; the more implausible the better, perhaps, to hold Malfoy's attention.

So without further ado Sirius Transfigured a Butterbeer bottle that was lying in the alley into a live crocodile, and then, after a moment's thought, turned a discarded copy of the Prophet into a cage for it. Getting the croc into the cage proved to be less difficult than he had anticipated; it was apparently still startled to have appeared out of thin air, and didn't put up much of a struggle.

Sirius peeked his head out of the alley. Just as he had anticipated, Malfoy was now there, whispering with Snape. Moments later, the younger wizard Apparated away. It seemed Malfoy was planning on keeping all the fun to himself, tonight.

As Malfoy turned towards the pub, Sirius stepped out of the alley and carefully placed himself between the door and Malfoy.

"G'day, mate!" he hollered cheerfully.

Malfoy gave him a look which could've withered a Devil's Snare, which Sirius cheerfully ignored, and tried to walk around him towards the door.

Sirius blocked him. "I said, 'G'day, mate!'"

Malfoy sneered at him. "I am not your 'mate', whoever you are, and it is also not day, as you might've noticed."

"Not day?" Sirius feigned ignorance and looked up at the sky. "Why, right you are! Might I ask where exactly I am enjoying the fine night air?"

"I do not customarily hold conversations with lunatics who don't even know where they are. Now if you'll excuse me, I am meeting someone in this pub, and you are blocking the door-" 

"You know, you sound like a real pommy bastard. Is that where I am? England?"

"Scotland, actually. Now if you would please move-"

"Scotland, eh? What a piece of luck. Didn't know where I might end up. Had to leave in a bit of a hurry, and not by the usual methods, if you take my meaning." 

"I do not wish to take your meaning at all, you obnoxious man. If you do not remove yourself from my way, I shall be forced to hex you. I'm warning you."

Sirius carried on as if he hadn't heard, but he subtly tightened his grip on his wand. "It was on account of the-" here he leaned in to whisper at Malfoy, who cringed away in disgust- "Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Not supposed to remove them from the country, you know." 

"Why would it be illegal to remove an _imaginary_ creature from Australia?"

"Bloody poms, think they know it all. Snorkacks aren't imaginary, just very very rare. And so you're not supposed to capture 'em or take 'em out of the country, especially since those crumpled horns are so useful in Dark potions." 

"Dark potions?" Sirius had known that might catch Malfoy's ear, even if he thought Sirius was crazy.

"Sure! Bit of Snorkack horn is the key ingredient in Sanguine Sandyx Solution."

"And what exactly is that meant to do?" 

"Makes blood ooze from every pore. Very Dark. Illegal, of course."

"And you say you have one of these Skornacks here?"

"A Snorkack, yes, fair dinkum. Wanna see him?"

"I suppose so, if the beast actually exists."

Sirius pulled the cage with the crocodile out of the alley just as Remus and a woman he presumed was Tonks came out the door of the pub.

Malfoy hardly noticed them; he was sneering down at the cage. "Not very big, is it, this Sporcrat?"

"A Snorkack? No sirree, it's built low to the ground."

Two things happened at once as Sirius bent down to open the cage and let loose the crocodile, hopefully to wreak some havoc: his hat slipped, giving Malfoy a clear view of the aristocratic Black nose he saw every day on his wife, Narcissa; and Tonks, who along with Remus still hadn't made it past the alley, slid on another discarded newspaper and fell flat on her arse.

Instantly Malfoy, Remus and Sirius had all drawn their wands. "There's only one family with a nose like that," Malfoy snarled, "and only one witch that clumsy, no matter what she looks like. Black and Tonks, I presume?"

"And what are you going to do about it, Malfoy?" Tonks boldly asked as she scrambled to her feet; she too had her wand out now.

"We have got you outnumbered," Sirius added. "You probably shouldn't've dismissed Snivellus so soon."

"Outnumbered indeed," Malfoy drawled. He turned his attention to Remus. "And who's this? I'm afraid we haven't been introduced."

"Remus Lupin," Remus replied firmly.

"Ah, another of Moody's foolhardy Aurors. Funny, he doesn't look like your great-aunt, Nymphadora," Malfoy said to Tonks. "It seems you lied to me, my dear. And when people lie to me, they end up hurt." He took a step towards Tonks, and Remus and Sirius both moved in closer to him.

"Not a step further, Malfoy!" Remus spat.

Malfoy smiled coldly and put his hands in the air, no longer aiming his wand at Tonks.

"No matter," he said. "Nymphadora knows I don't need a wand to hurt her and those she cares for. Isn't that right?"

Tonks silently held her ground.

"Now, gentlemen, I suggest you say goodbye to the young lady. Your presence is required at the Ministry."

"At two in the bloody morning! What the hell does the Ministry need us for?"

"Thanks to the unwise choices of your cousin here, Black, your Auror unit is being sent immediately to Romania for a six month stakeout. I trust that by the time you return, Miss Tonks will have seen the error of her ways."


	4. Act Four

**Author's Note: Thanks for all the encouraging reviews! This story is already written, and there's only one chapter remaining. I'll post it tomorrow evening.**

_Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Cyrano de Bergerac belonged to Edmond Rostand. My apologies to both. _

* * *

"I hate Romania." 

Moody only grunted in reply.

Even more than Romania, James hated early morning watch, in Romania, with Moody. At least if he were paired with Sirius he could've had a decent conversation. Moody would rarely say more than two words all shift, and if James tried to start a bit of chat, more often then not those words were 'constant vigilance'.

But of course, Sirius was off on whatever the mysterious errand was that took him to the nearest village every morning, and James was stuck sitting on a cold rock in the middle of a damp, dangerous forest with Alastor Moody.

Who had the ears of a bloody bat, apparently, because he was suddenly on his feet, wand at the ready. "Didn't you hear that, Potter?"

James quickly stood up and got his wand out as well. "No…" he reluctantly conceded.

Moody gave him a disgusted look. "The fools they let through the training program these days," he muttered. "Twig snapped, somewhere over there."

Just then, there was a rustling of bushes that even James heard from 'over there', and Sirius emerged. "Good morning!" he said cheerfully as they lowered their wands.

"Black," Moody growled, "what do you think you're doing, tramping through the forest alone like that? You could've stumbled right on to the Dark wizards we're supposed to be tracking."

"Small chance of that," Sirius replied. "We've been here a month, I've been sneaking into the village for all of that, and none of us has so much as seen the tips of their wands."

"I don't care what you haven't seen, Black, you should always be on your guard! Constant-"

"Vigilance," James and Sirius chorused.

"Oh, if you two can't be serious about this, off with you." Moody waved them both away. James could tell he wasn't really mad at them; this was his way of telling them to have a break.

They walked back towards the Aurors' camp, leaving Moody alone on his rock. They could send someone else out to join him when they reached camp.

Once they were out of earshot, James asked, "So what _are_ you sneaking into the village for every morning, any way? It didn't seem like much of a draw to me."

Sirius looked shifty. "Promise not to tell?"

"Of course I promise. Now tell."

"I've been going to the post office."

"The _post office_? Who the hell do you have to write to who's worth risking your life in a Dark magic-infested forest?"

"I kinda promised Remus I'd post his letters to Tonks."

"Oh, so this is all for Remus, is it? I thought you were trying to get over him. 'Just give me time' you said."

"I'm just doing what any good friend would," Sirius said defensively.

"Sure you are. Are you even writing any letters of your own? Why can't Remus send his own ruddy owls?"

"Um. Well. You see, I am writing letters of my own. In a way."

"In _what_ way?" James asked suspiciously.

"You remember all those penmanship charms we learnt when we were putting together the map?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, I've sort of been using them to write Remus letters back from Tonks," Sirius spat out all in a rush. "Because I knew she wouldn't owl him back much; she's never been a big letter-writer. And so I have to pick up the post, too, so he doesn't know."

James just stood there, gobsmacked, for a minute.

"James? Say something, mate."

"Oh, Sirius," James sighed. "You're pretending to be Tonks and writing Remus love letters. What do you expect me to say?"

"At Hogwarts you would've thought it was ruddy clever."

James shook his head. "At Hogwarts it would've been a prank. What good is this doing, Sirius? You're lying to and about people who trust you, and you're only setting yourself up for more pain. Why?"

Sirius wouldn't meet his eyes. "It makes him happy, James. We're all miserable here: the food is lousy, the job is boring, the camp is muddy and it's freezing! But seeing Remus, the way his eyes light up when I hand him the letter- it all fades away, and for a moment, I'm happy, too."

"That look in his eyes- it's not for you, Sirius."

Now his friend looked him in the eye, jutting his chin out defiantly. "Maybe not," he replied, "but I'll take what I can get."

There really wasn't much to be said, after that, so Sirius and James walked the remainder of the way back to the Aurors' camp in silence. James sort of regretted having been so sharp with Sirius, but really, what did he think he was doing? He couldn't quite bring himself to apologize, though, so he mostly kept his eyes on the forest floor ahead of him, trying not to step on any twigs, in case the Dark wizards had ears as sharp as Moody's. Sirius too was absorbed in his own thoughts.

So they were both quite surprised when they stumbled into camp to find Kingsley Shacklebolt holding Severus Snape at wandpoint, while the other Aurors crowded about in confusion.

"Potter! Black!" Snape spat when he saw them. "I would thank Merlin some people with sense have finally arrived, but unfortunately that's still not the case. Where's that paranoid maniac who's meant to be in charge here?"

"We're the ones who have you cornered here, Snape," Shacklebolt growled, "so we'll be asking the questions, I think."

"Where the hell did he come from?" James asked.

"Portkeyed right into the middle of camp, if you please. He _claims_ Albus Dumbledore sent him."

Sirius snorted. "Not likely. Unless by 'Albus Dumbledore' he means 'Lucius Malfoy'. You are still Malfoy's lapdog, aren't you, Snivellus?"

Snape flushed at that but uncharacteristically failed to rise to the bait. "If you don't think Dumbledore sent me, examine the Portkey. You'll see only he could've made it."

"Where's the Portkey?" James asked a nearby Auror. "Could you bring it here?"

"It's just some feather. He dropped it on the ground when he arrived. Here." He handed a bright red feather to James.

"That's not just any feather," Snape sneered. "It's a phoenix feather. Isn't it, Potter?"

"Yes," James conceded.

"Is there any way a feather from Albus Dumbledore's own phoenix could've ended up in the possession of Lucius Malfoy?"

"No," James admitted. "He's telling the truth," he told Kingsley.

"Still doesn't explain why Dumbledore sent him here, or why he's looking for Moody," Sirius grumbled. "I still don't trust him."

"The next time Dumbledore has the foolish notion that he should save you all from certain death in an ambush in which you will be outnumbered ten to one, I'll make sure to tell him not to bother! Clearly you're all much more interested in shooting the messenger," Snape snapped back.

The crowd of Aurors gathered around erupted at that. "You mean there really are Dark wizards in the forest?" someone asked.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Merlin help us if _that's_ the only thing standing between us and Dark wizardry. Of course there are Dark wizards in the forest! Or has the reason why the Ministry sent you here already disappeared in an alcoholic haze?"

"But we haven't seen any of them!" someone else retorted.

"Well they've certainly seen you, and that's enough," Snape replied. "Now am I to be allowed to speak to Moody, or not?"

James snapped in to action. "Remus, take Snape here to Moody. He's on watch in the usual spot. Everyone else, stay here and we'll drill until Moody gets back with a strategy for us. Oh, and Snape?"

"Yes?"

"How long have we got?"

"Two or three hours," he replied before disappearing into the forest with Remus.

"Two hours isn't very long," Sirius said to James in an undertone.

"Why're you worried? Ten to one is pretty easy odds, for you."

Sirius didn't answer right away, and James had just realized he was probably worried about Remus, and was about to tell him Remus could look after himself, when there was a sudden commotion from the _other_ end of the camp.

"Now what?" James muttered.

"It seems we've got another visitor," Sirius replied as the two Aurors who had been on watch over there brought another prisoner towards them at wandpoint, this one an unfamiliar woman. Unlike Snape, though, this woman seemed cheerful and relaxed.

When she saw Sirius and James, she broke into a grin. "Wotcher, cuz!"

Sirius went pale. "_Tonks?_"

Sirius gaped at the strange woman, who slowly began to look like his cousin again. This was not happening. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"

"Aren't you happy to see me? And where's Remus? From the daily owls I expected him to be sweeping me off my feet the second I arrived."

That was one good thing; with Remus off escorting Snape to Moody, at least he could deal with them one at a time. Hopefully. "Remus is on guard duty," Sirius replied, ignoring the look James gave him. "But I still don't know what you're doing here."

"Well, I could hardly stay in England after that stunt we pulled with Malfoy, could I? He's not exactly inclined to be charitable to me. So I've been traveling abroad for the past month. Seeing the world, just like Mum wanted. Thought I'd pop in and say hello to my favorite cousin and my devoted boyfriend."

While Sirius was busy flinching at the 'devoted boyfriend', James asked, "But how'd you get an international Apparition permit out of the Ministry if Malfoy's got his eye on you?"

"I couldn't. But Peter Pettigrew, respectable small businessman, and his new shop assistant, Jane Harris, could. Supposedly, we're trying to open up the continental market for British wizarding sweets."

"Pete's here? Where?"

"I'm afraid I couldn't pry him out of the beer halls of Bavaria, even for a visit to his old school chums. I think he's enjoying his first holiday since Hogwarts just a little too much."

"I'd say he's just got good sense," Sirius interjected. "It's bloody dangerous here, Tonks, we're on assignment!"

"Yeah," James added. "I mean, Snape just showed up-"

"Snape's here?" Tonks asked. "Lovely, it'll be just like old times, only I can finally give him the hexing he deserves." She drew her wand.

"But it turns out he's some sort of double agent working for Dumbledore," James finished.

"Snape's _good_?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," Sirius said. "But if Dumbledore trusts him, we should, too."

"Having to put up with Snape isn't the worst of it, though. Dumbledore sent him because we're expecting an ambush in the next couple of hours. You can't stay, Tonks!" James insisted.

"Nonsense. If there's an ambush, you'll need all the wands you can get, and I may not be an Auror yet, but I've got some training. I'm staying to help."

James glared at her, but she didn't budge. "Bloody stubborn, you Blacks, the lot of you," he finally grumbled. "I'm going to find Moody and Snape. And Remus, too. I'll tell him you're here."

Once James left, there was awkward silence for a few moments, then Sirius moved in to give his cousin a hug. "Aw hell, Tonks, it really is good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too, Sirius."

"I'm not the main attraction, though, I suspect. Been missing Remus?"

"Of course. But actually, I had something I wanted to talk to you about first."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Actually," he said, "there's something I should tell you before you talk to Remus."

"Oh," Tonks replied.

Remus had been surprised when Snape appeared at their camp. He had been even more surprised, after what he had heard from Tonks about the man, that he was working for Albus Dumbledore. He had been shocked, of course, to learn about the planned ambush.

But none of that compared to how stunned he was when James caught up to him, Snape and Moody and told him Tonks had also decided to drop by.

As he followed James back once again to camp, Snape and Moody trailing a little behind, discussing numbers and strategy, he wondered why Potter looked so worried about Tonks's presence. Sure, she wasn't a fully-trained Auror, but she wanted to be one. If they couldn't convince her to Apparate away before the ambush, she could hold her own. She was a brilliant, resourceful, talented witch.

Not that Remus didn't have his own reasons to worry, now that Tonks was here. After what had happened that afternoon, what seemed an age and not just a month ago, when Sirius had demonstrated seduction techniques on him, Remus had been in close quarters with him. He had been forced to admit to himself that he was attracted to this handsome Auror, as dark as his last name suggested, whose eccentric, intense personality mirrored many of the things he had first been drawn to in Tonks.

But attraction wasn't everything; it was superficial, unimportant. The letters he wrote to Tonks, the letters she wrote back: those were about more than soft grey eyes or the impossibly sexy jut of someone's hips as he leaned against a tree. They were about two people, two minds that understood one another, that complemented each other's strengths and weaknesses. But still, Remus couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty about Sirius when he thought of Tonks, now. Though he'd seen little sign that Sirius was attracted to him as well, or indeed attracted to anyone at all. Sirius's persona was about flamboyant excess, but he seemed to be keeping that part of himself under tight control, which under the circumstances was likely for the best. _You'd do well to imitate his example_, he told himself.

He and James returned to camp just in time to see Sirius and Tonks pulling away from a fierce embrace. Another twinge of guilt surged through Remus. He wasn't just fantasizing about another man when he hadn't even told Tonks he was bisexual; it was her favorite cousin, the one who was almost like a brother to her. He had to tell her. Well, probably not about Sirius, but about his attraction to men, at least. Attraction was transitory, but that was important, and he'd feel better with it off his chest.

Tonks caught sight of him and waved cheerfully. "Remus!" she called, running over to him and enveloping him in a similar hug, which was accompanied by a swift kiss. "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too," Remus replied into her shoulder. He had missed her, really. It was just that all the letters made it seem like she wasn't far away, and his days were so full with scouting and watch and spending time with James and Sirius. He'd just been busy, was all.

"How touching," Snape sneered. "I'd heard you were here, Nymphadora, but I thought for sure you'd run back to that coward Pettigrew when you heard there'd be real fighting. Wouldn't want to chip a nail! Though I suppose you could always grow it right back…."

Tonks had her wand at his throat before he had finished. "Just because I played dumb to fool you and Malfoy, Snape - and it worked, by the way - doesn't mean I'm incompetent to defend myself. Oh, and don't call me Nymphadora. _Falsettinus_. Now apologize."

Snape opened his mouth and began to say, in a voice a good two octaves above his normal pitch, "I'm afraid I'm not in the habit of apologizing to-" He clapped a hand over his mouth.

Sirius and James dissolved into laughter, and Tonks merrily joined in. "What in Merlin's name did you do to me?" Snape squeaked. "I don't recognize the incantation."

"Oh, just a little something of my own invention," Tonks replied sweetly.

"Impressive," Snape remarked, managing to sound grudgingly impressed despite his unnatural high voice.

"I suppose that's all the apology I'll ever get out of you," Tonks said. "_Profundo_."

"I may not respect Gryffindor foolhardiness," Snape replied in his usual tones, "but I know a good spellcrafter when I see one."

"Well, that's settled, then," James put in. "Glad we'll have both of you on our side today. Now if I could only have a few good ol' English treacle tarts before the battle, I'd say everything was perfect."

"Funny you should mention those," Tonks said slyly. "Pete thought you might be running low on sweets-"

"Low? We're completely out of anything British and edible!"

"So he gave me the case of samples we brought along as part of our cover. Let's see…." She pulled a small box out of a pocket of her jacket and enlarged it. "Dig in! Now, if you can spare me for just a sec, Remus, Sirius and I have to talk, but we'll be right back."

"All right," Remus replied. Of course Tonks would want to catch up with Sirius, too. He was family; even though Remus felt like he'd known her for forever, from her owls, they'd only been dating two months, one of them spent in separate countries. He could wait.

Once they were a few yards into the woods, safely screened from view of the camp, Sirius and Tonks stopped, and for a few moments just stared awkwardly at one another.

"So…."

"So."

"You can go first," they both said at once.

"Okay," said Sirius.

"Okay," said Tonks.

Then they both spoke at once again:

"Are you in love with Remus?" "I've been writing letters from you to Remus."

"What?" "What?"

"You start," Sirius said.

"Are you in love with Remus?" Tonks asked. When Sirius didn't answer right away, she continued on nervously. "I only ask because, well, I know we ended up with bigger things on our minds that night at the Three Broomsticks, but I would have had to be blind not to notice that you were unhappy, and practically drinking yourself into a stupor to escape it."

"And then after you and Remus left, I started to think if there was anything you had said to me that might hint at why you were so down. And then I remembered: golden eyes."

"Huh?"

"Golden eyes. That very first day at Peter's shop, when I was asking you to introduce me to Remus, only I hadn't even mentioned his name yet, you said something about my knees going weak at the sight of his golden eyes. Not that many people have golden eyes, Sirius. But Remus does."

"You knew it was him. You knew it even before I said his name, because you'd felt the way I had. You'd watched him, even before I'd noticed him across the Quidditch pitch. Isn't that right?"

Sirius nodded guiltily. "Sorry."

"Sorry! Why on earth didn't you say something, Sirius? And here I was asking you to help me, be his friend! I didn't mean to put you through all that."

"You were the one he was going to Quidditch games just to stare at, not me. And how could I say no to my favorite cousin?"

"You can, and you should've. Now you're miserable, and I feel lousy for having caused it."

"No! Tonks, it isn't your fault. I put myself through all of it, wanting to be close to him, even if it wasn't exactly the way I had hoped. And that was wrong of _me_. Just like the letters."

"Yeah, so explain those."

"Well, you've been getting his owls, right?"

"Of course. An owl a day. Really great letters, too, long and romantic and full of, well, him."

"And you've only written back five times, yes?"

Tonks looked a bit guilty. "Well, you know I'm not a letter writer- wait, how'd you know exactly how many times I've written?"

"Like you just said, I know you're not a letter writer. So I offered to drop off and pick up Remus's letters at the owl post in the village. And I swear, Tonks, I just wanted to help you two out a little, at first. I knew Remus would be disappointed if you didn't write back often, and things are already so lousy here, so I wrote him letters, pretending to be you. Nothing too long or mushy; just so he wouldn't worry about you."

"You said 'at first'?"

"Well, I had to read his letters to you, didn't I, so I could answer them properly as you, right? Well, his letters started getting longer and more serious and, well, mushier, and I just couldn't help myself. I knew just what I wished _I_ could say to him, and we're so much alike and Merlin, the way he would smile every day when I brought him the post- I just couldn't stop."

"How were you going to explain it?"

"Hadn't really thought about that. I guess I just figured I'd improvise, like with pranks at Hogwarts."

There was a long pause as they processed these revelations.

"Now what?" Sirius finally asked.

"Well, it seems we have some things to say to Remus."

Tonks was all for telling Remus everything, but Sirius vehemently disagreed:

"What! No! You can't tell Remus! He's crazy about you. He's not bent, so there's no point in bothering him about me. Just go along with it, Tonks, pretend you wrote all those letters, and I promise, when we get back from Romania I'll leave you both alone. We can pretend this whole thing never happened. Once you're happily married and all that, I can explain and apologize – I do owe him an apology – and years from now we'll all laugh about it."

They argued back and forth for quite some time, until finally Tonks said:

"All right, fine. I won't tell him you wrote the letters, and I won't tell him about your feelings for him. Those are your secrets. But I _am_ going to talk to him, and at least find out how he feels about the letters, and about you."

"Be my guest," Sirius replied. "After all, he's _your_ boyfriend, and he'll just tell you that I'm a friend, and the letters were very nice and helped brighten up his days."

"We'll see," Tonks replied.

Remus was happily sucking on Ice Mice when Tonks, but not Sirius, emerged from the woods where they had secluded themselves for their chat. She spotted him and headed straight for him.

"Did you have a good time catching up with Sirius?" Remus asked. "Not that he'll have had much news for you; things have been pretty dull here."

"Oh, there's never a dull moment with Sirius," Tonks said. "Shall we take a little walk?"

"Sure." They headed away from camp, but not in the same direction as she had gone earlier with Sirius, who still hadn't returned.

"You just want to get me alone," Remus accused her teasingly as they walked.

"Tonks feigned horror. "Oh no! Mr. Lupin, you have seen through my brilliant plan! Whatever shall I do?"

"In the future, Miss Tonks, if you don't want me to see through your brilliant plans, you such mention them in such detail in your letters to me," Remus replied, flushing slightly at the very positive memory of said letter, which had detailed the many things Tonks intended to do to him when she finally got him alone.

Tonks, too, was blushing. "So you liked the letters?"

"Liked them? I _loved them_," Remus gushed. "I mean, I knew from spending time with you that I liked, well, so many things about you. But I was so nervous! I was convinced I wasn't 'cool' enough for you. I kept asking poor Sirius for advice on how to impress you."

"But in my letters to you, and in your letters to me, none of those worries mattered. I could just be myself, tell you anything, and you returned the favor. It sounds odd, but I feel like I got to know you better in this past month of letters than I did when we saw each other face-to-face each night."

Remus looked deep into Tonks eyes, and cupped her face tenderly. "Thanks to those letters, I now know that you are the one for me, Nymphadora Tonks. No one else could be as fascinating, no one else could understand me like you do. I love you."

He leaned in for a kiss, and was very surprised when Tonks didn't reciprocate, but instead continued to question him. "So what you're saying is, you fell in love with my letters?"

"I fell in love with _you_, Tonks. The beautiful, brilliant person who wrote those letters," Remus replied, puzzled.

"What if I wasn't beautiful?" Tonks continued. "What if I was ugly?"

"What are you- oh, is this about your Metamorphmagus abilities? All I can say, and I'll keep saying it, is that I love _you_. The person you are on the inside, no matter what you look like at that moment."

"What if I were a man?" Tonks asked bluntly.

Remus's jaw dropped. "This is a hell of a time to ask me if I'm bisexual," he finally managed.

"I'm serious," Tonks said intently. "I can look like a man if I want to, Remus. That would freak a lot of blokes out. Does it bother you?"

"Um. As it so happens – and I was going to tell you this, today even – that's … well, that's not a problem for me."

"Oh," Tonks said. She looked a bit stunned.

Remus was just about to reassure her that he was only interested in her, that this was a good thing if, as she had suggested, she was worried about her Metamorphmagus abilities affecting their relationship, when they were rather rudely interrupted.

"There you are!" called out Moody gruffly. "Can't just go blundering about when there's an ambush on, no matter how in love you are. Lupin, you ought to know better. And as for you, young lady, if you want to live to go through Auror training, you'll either Apparate away now or come back to camp with us. A little drill before your first battle with Dark wizards can only help."

As they followed Moody back to the center of camp, Remus tried to catch Tonks's eye, but she seemed anxious and preoccupied. He hoped it was only the coming battle worrying her. What had he done wrong, after all, by being honest and telling her he loved her?

Sirius watched with his heart in his throat as Tonks and Remus returned to camp with Moody. What had she said to him? She had promised not to tell Remus about the letters or about Sirius's feelings, but that didn't mean Sirius couldn't still be nervous about the conversation.

Moody ordered everyone to pair up for drill, and Tonks made a beeline for Sirius, leaving a confused and rather hurt looking Remus behind her to partner James. Snape didn't pair off with anyone – apparently 'everyone' didn't apply to him – but stayed to talk with Moody.

For a while Tonks and Sirius traded Stunning Spells in silence, dodging or throwing up Shield Charms. Tonks nearly caught him off his guard a few times, and Sirius wondered if he was simply slower because he was preoccupied, or if she was attacking him with unusual (if grim) enthusiasm.

Finally, as they moved on to Incarcerus spells, he spoke. "So?"

"So," Tonks echoed, deftly conjuring ropes to bind him, then moving in close to untie them, rather than simply Vanishing them, "he's in love with you."

"What?" Sirius whispered furiously. "He told you that?"

"No, of course not! But he's in love with the person who wrote the letters, and that's _you_."

"But _he_ thinks it's _you_. It doesn't mean anything."

"He said he was always nervous and not himself around me before, that he didn't really fall for me until he got to know me in my letters. It's only the letters he cares about, and you wrote them!"

Moody and Snape, who keeping an eye on the drilling Aurors, had noticed this whispered conversation and were giving them odd looks, so Tonks hastily Vanished the remaining ropes and took her place opposite Sirius again.

"_Incarcerus_," Sirius said firmly, binding Tonks, then Vanishing the ropes. They traded spells and no words for a few turns thusly, until Snape and James lost interest and again focused intently on hexing each other.

"You may think he's in love with whoever wrote those letters, but he doesn't know it's a bloke, does he?" Sirius continued. "People don't just turn bent because someone wrote them a few letters."

"He says he'd love me even if I was a man," Tonks shot back.

"He- what! You asked him that?"

"I implied it had to do with my Metamorphmagus abilities. He said, and I quote, 'that's not a problem for me.'"

Sirius was so stunned he forgot to dodge the _Tarantallegra_ Tonks followed up this revelation with.

As he danced frantically in place, waiting for her to end the spell, she said "So you see, there's nothing to keep you from him, cousin."

Sirius met her eyes earnestly. "There's you."

"_Finite,_" said Tonks, and Sirius's legs ceased their frenzied motion. "I won't stand in your way," she said stubbornly.

"It's not standing in my way. He's your boyfriend! You don't _owe_ him to me or something."

"He cares more about you now than about me, even if he doesn't know it yet," Tonks replied. "My mind's made up."

"So you're just going to break up with him and then say, 'hey, by the way, my cousin Sirius is available'?"

"No, I'm just going to break up with him. What happens next is up to you. I feel certain the notorious Sirius Black can come up with a smoother opening line than that."

Sirius was just about to continue his protests, sure that Tonks was mistaken, when an unmistakable voice bellowed from behind him, "Black! Tonks! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! If this was the ambush, you'd be dead right now!"

Snape was snickering behind him as well. "Perhaps Black intends to whisper the Dark wizards into submission. I've heard of his _unorthodox_ approach to other things…."

"Shut it, Snivellus," Sirius snapped. "I've beaten your arse in duels before, and I'll do it again in a heartbeat, so don't tempt me."

"Touchy, touchy," Snape replied, though he backed away slightly. "But I'm afraid I didn't stop by for you. Nymph- _Tonks_, if I could have a word with you?"

Tonks, blushing furiously from the encounter with Moody, nodded. As Snape led her away to her third tête-à-tête of the day, she turned and mouthed to Sirius over her shoulder, "He loves you."

Sirius wished he could be so sure.

Once the drill was over, there was nothing, really, to do except sit and wait for the attack. Well, that and wait for Tonks to emerge from the woods and her talk with Snape. Nothing to do but sit and worry. What if Snape wasn't really on their side? wondered Remus. Why had he wanted to speak with Tonks, anyway?

Sirius, too, looked as if he was worrying, and he kept looking to the forest, and at Remus, but he made no move to come over and share concerns. Remus was feeling distinctly abandoned.

Finally, after what seemed like an age but couldn't've been that long, considering they weren't, oh, under attack by Dark wizards yet, Tonks and Snape returned to the camp. They spoke briefly with Moody, then Snape Disapparated.

"Some help he turned out to be," Sirius accused.

"He has his own job to do, Sirius," Tonks chided him. "Just because he's not staying here to fight with the rest of us doesn't mean he won't be trying to stop them."

"Sneaking and spying, you mean," Sirius grumbled. "Give me a simple fight any day of the week."

For some reason, this statement of Sirius's seemed to affect Tonks a great deal. "Oh Sirius. Never, ever change," she said, and hugged him.

"I wasn't planning on it," Sirius replied. "But what's all this about?"

Tonks whispered something in her cousin's ear that seemed to surprise him, but before he could react, the ever-tactful Moody interrupted. "You'll want to tell Lupin, I suppose. Best be quick about it. Those Dark wizards won't wait!"

"Tell me what?" Remus asked.

"Let's take another walk," Tonks suggested.

This didn't sound very promising; their first walk hadn't exactly gone as he had hoped. "After all these walks," he joked, "I'll be too tired out to battle any Dark wizards."

"We don't have to go far," Tonks replied seriously. "I just don't want anyone else to hear."

"So this is big news, then? What Snape wanted to talk to you about?"

"Er. Well, yeah. You see, Dumbledore needs another spy, and Snape thinks that I'd be perfect, what with the Metamorphmagus thing and all."

"Wow. You're going to be a spy? That _is_ big news."

"That's not all. What Dumbledore needs me for- I have to leave soon. Now. Before the ambush. And I'll be gone for months."

"Oh. Well, I guess Sirius would say you're missing out on all the good stuff, then." Months without Tonks? Remus didn't quite know what to say. Of course, they had both assumed they wouldn't see each other for months when he'd left for Romania, and the letters had been enough then. "You'll write, of course."

Tonks looked unhappy. "I'm afraid I can't. Undercover, and all that. In fact…."

Oh no. This didn't sound good.

"I think it might be best if we called it quits, Remus. I can't make you wait for me like that."

"But- but- your letters- what I told you earlier-" Remus didn't know what to say.

"Trust me, Remus. I know, in my heart, that I'm not the right person for you. You'll find that person, though. Maybe sooner than you think." Tonks was trying to sound reassuring, he could tell, but her voice was shaking.

"Tonks, I love you. Don't do this," Remus pleaded.

"Remus, I- I'm sorry." Tonks blinked back tears. "Listen, I'll come see you as soon as I get back. I have to go, Remus."

Remus felt hollow, drained. "Fine," he said dully. "Go."

Tonks gave him one last quick hug, and Remus nearly broke down. Then, with an awkward wave goodbye, she disappeared.

When Remus did not return on his own, Sirius was forced to follow him. He found him standing alone where Tonks must have left him, looking devastated.

"Remus?" he asked tentatively. 'C'mon, we have to go get into position."

"Wha'?" Remus sounded like he was in a daze.

"Get in position? Y'know, for that ambush we're expecting, mate?" Sirius tried to sound cheerful.

"She broke it off, Sirius. Tonks left me." Remus turned to look at him, and Sirius had never before seen his eyes so empty of warmth. Not cold, though, just … empty.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Sirius said sincerely. He meant it. He never wanted Remus to feel as horrible as he was evidently feeling now. Even if it meant never telling him how he, Sirius, felt, which was very clearly not on the agenda for today, no matter how optimistic Tonks had been.

"What am I supposed to do, Sirius?"

"For now? Fight off a pack of Dark wizards. After that? Hopefully we'll get the bastards, and they'll let us go home."

"She said I'd find someone for me. 'Sooner than I thought,' she said. But I don't want someone else, Sirius. I love _her_."

"I know, Remus. I know." Sirius thought about patting him comfortingly on the back, but at this moment he didn't think he could touch Remus. _Damn_ Tonks. Everything had been fine before! Sure, maybe he was miserable, but the people he loved were happy, and that was more important. Now everyone was wretched.

"Black! Lupin! Are you coming back to camp, or what?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Moody!" Sirius bellowed back. "We're on our way!" Dammit. Of all the shite times for this to be happening….

"C'mon, Remus, we've got to go."

"Yeah." Remus didn't lose his empty expression, but he drew his wand and started towards camp.

"All right?' Sirius asked, even though he knew the answer.

"No," Remus answered simply. "But I'll fight all the same."


	5. Act Five

**Thanks to all who have reviewed! I hope you find the ending to your liking.**_  
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_Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Cyrano de Bergerac belonged to Edmond Rostand. My apologies to both._

* * *

"Go away!" Remus shouted at whoever was knocking at his door this time. James, probably, or his wife Lily, perhaps. James was his most persistent visitor, and a few weeks back he'd apparently decided that Remus, who had already refused visits from James, Peter, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and both Prewetts, might respond better to a woman's touch – or rather, knock. When – if – Remus ever got over his sulks, he would have to apologize to the poor woman, once they had been properly introduced, of course. 

Sure, it had been more than a month since Tonks had … _abandoned_ him in Romania, and some people would think that was plenty of time to move on, or at least leave one's flat to go out to the pub on occasion. And they were right, of course, but that didn't keep Remus from feeling like he'd just rather stay at home with a good book than face the world again. It might have been June, outside, but Remus clung to the chilly snows of February, rather than let his heart thaw.

At least Sirius understood. Apparently, or why else hadn't he stopped by? Remus might even have let _him_ in.

The knocking hadn't quit. James was getting more tenacious. "I said, BUGGER THE FUCK OFF!" Remus shouted.

The knocking stopped, only to be replaced, moments later, by the sound of the door being splintered apart. Bloody fuck. Who had ever heard of Dark wizards who only attacked you after pounding on the door for five minutes, first? Remus drew his wand.

"I'm warning you," he growled as the door collapsed, revealing not the expected posse of Dark wizards, but just Severus Snape.

"You're warning me what?" he sneered without missing a beat. "Don't come any closer, or you'll cry on me?"

"Snape?"

Snape gave his flat a cursory glance, but even a cursory glance was enough to take in the empty take-out containers and other detritus, not to mention Remus's own rumpled robes.

"I see everything is just as Nymphadora predicted," Snape said.

"Tonks? You've seen her? How is she? What do you mean, 'just as she predicted'?"

"Of course I've seen her, Lupin. We work together, remember? And she's doing well, lucky her. I, meanwhile, have been sent here to interfere in your – apparently pathetic – love life, and I am not at all happy."

"She sent you to play ruddy matchmaker for me?"

"Something like that, yes."

"I can't believe the nerve of the woman," Remus groused, but of course he could, actually. Hadn't nerve been part of what he liked about her?

"Nor can I, but you must admit that she was entirely correct in the supposition that you wouldn't do anything to help yourself in that regard," Snape replied.

"The only way she could help me 'in that regard' is to come back to me," Remus retorted, "and she sent you, so I assume that's not her plan."

"Oh, will you get over yourself, Lupin? You met a woman, you dated for a few months, she took a job overseas and broke it off. It's not a tragedy; stop moping about like young Werther."

"Was that a Muggle literary reference, Snape?"

"Well, if you caught that, perhaps there's still hope for you."

"What in Merlin's name does Tonks want me to do, anyway?" Remus suddenly asked. "Forget her letters? Forget everything that made me fall in love with her?"

"No indeed," Snape replied. "In fact, she sent me to deliver this not-so-cryptic message: 'Wotcher, Remus.'" He grimaced. "'If you fell in love with the beautiful, brilliant person who wrote those letters, maybe you should go find _him_. Cheers, Tonks.'"

"_Him_? Who? What the-"

"There. That look on your face - the one of utter cluelessness – that's the only reason I agreed to deliver Nymphadora's ridiculous message. And now, my work here is done."

"Wait!" Remus called to Snape. "That's it?"

"Yes, that's _it_, Lupin. What were you expecting?"

"Tonks didn't write those letters?"

"Evidently."

"But- but who did? Why would someone else write me love letters claiming to be from Tonks?"

"I do not know, Lupin, and I do not care. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do have better things to do than be questioned by a lovesick fool all day."

With that parting jab, Snape turned smartly on his heel and strode (with more dignity than Remus could've mustered) through the remains of the door. The effect of his stalking off was spoiled a bit when he immediately bumped into James and Peter.

"What the hell are you doing here, Snape?" James growled.

"What you couldn't manage, it appears," Snape replied, gesturing at Remus.

Peter and James took in the state of Remus's door. "Well, that's one thing we didn't try," Peter finally admitted.

"That's because _friends_ don't go around using the Reductor Curse on their friends' doors," James said pointedly.

"Well, perhaps it's a good thing I'm not Lupin's _friend_ then, isn't it?" Snape retorted. "I'm leaving. You may bill Dumbledore for the new door, if you wish."

"Thank you, Severus," Remus called after him, enjoying the answering growl. The man positively detested gratitude in any form.

"So, mate," James said awkwardly, turning his attention to Remus. "How've you been?"

"Lousy," Remus pithily replied.

"Yes, well-"

"But it's about time I got over that, isn't it? Sorry I've been treating you so shabbily."

"You were going through a rough spot. Just as long as you know we were only trying to help," James said.

"In fact, it seems I owe apologies to practically everyone I know but Sirius, in fact," Remus continued. "He was the only one with sense enough to stay away from me, eh?"

"Er. Well, you see-" James looked uncomfortable.

"Is something wrong with Sirius, James?"

"Oh, he's sulking too," Peter answered before James could open his mouth. "He got hit by a nasty curse a few weeks ago – can't imagine how that happened to _him_, of all people-"

"I hope it wasn't a serious curse," Remus worried.

"Nah, it was just a _Furnunculus_, but ever since he's been hiding in his flat, as well. At first we thought it was the boils, but they'll have healed by now, and he still won't come down to the pub or anything."

"He's even taken off work," James put in.

"That doesn't sound like Sirius at all. He's usually so full of life and excitement. And he loves being an Auror."

"Well," James said, "I know he'd want to hear that you've, well, emerged, and maybe I can even coax him out with the news, too. It's about time he rejoined us in the land of the living."

"It'd be nice to see him," Remus replied sincerely. "In fact, I could use his help with something."

James gave Remus an odd, questioning look. "Well, I'll be sure to tell him that. It might help."

Once James had left for Sirius's flat, Remus invited Pete in for a cup of tea.

"What'd Snape say to you, anyway, to snap you out of it?" Peter asked as Remus put the kettle on.

"He actually gave me a message from Tonks that, well, it won't make things all better, in fact it makes them even more complicated, but it sure as heck shocked me out of it."

"Tonks! I grew quite fond of her, you know, when we were traveling together. Oh, not like that," he put in quickly, "but she's a great girl. Rather reminds me of Sirius, actually. Is she doing well?"

"Yeah, Snape says she's flourishing as a spy," Remus answered, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

If Tonks hadn't written those letters, who had? What _man_ would be interested in him – or interested in playing a joke on him – like that? Well, Sirius would be the place to start, since he was the one who'd picked all the letters up at the post.

James was getting very sick of pounding on doors. Maybe Snape had had the right idea after all.

"Sirius, I know you're in there! And I know the boils are gone, so you've no excuse!" he hollered through the door. "Now, Remus is asking for you, so either open this door or I'll _Reductor_ it down!"

_Now_ he could hear footsteps approaching the door. He wondered if it was Remus or the curse that had done the trick.

"Remus?" Sirius asked through the door. "I thought he wasn't talking to you?"

"Yeah, well, he's talking again. Snape broke down his door and snapped him out of his funk. And you were one of the first people he asked about."

"What was Snape doing breaking down Remus's door?"

"Open your own bloody door and maybe I'll tell you."

Sirius opened the door. "So?"

"Can I come in?" James asked, pressing his luck.

Sirius scowled, but stood aside and let him in.

"I like what you've done with the place," James remarked, glancing around the flat, which looked in much the same state as Remus's, minus all the door splinters.

But Sirius wasn't in the mood for small talk. "What was Snape doing at Remus's?" he growled.

"He brought him a message from Tonks," James answered.

"Oh." Sirius looked downcast.

"They're not back together, or something like that," James appended.

"But still," Sirius replied mournfully, "it was word from Tonks that cheered him up, wasn't it?"

"How do you know hearing from you wouldn't've cheered him up, too, when you didn't even try talking to him?"

"It's too soon."

"And you'll keep saying that until it's too late," James asserted. "He's talking to us now, and he specifically said it would be good to see you. No more excuses; get your arse over there."

When Sirius looked reluctant, he added, "You don't have to propose to him today, mate. Just talk to him again."

"Okay," said Sirius shakily. "Okay. I think I will."

_Sirius was the one who'd picked up all the letters at the post._ Remus almost spilled the hot water from the kettle all over the counter when the realization hit him. Sirius, who had been particularly insistent that _he_ drop off and pick up the post. Sirius, who was, he knew for a fact, bent. Sirius, who reminded him (and Peter) so much of Tonks.

Remus flashed back to the afternoon before that disastrous night at The Three Broomsticks. He'd thought he had simply reacted to an innocent gesture when Sirius had demonstrated that line on him. But what if Sirius had been attracted to him even then?

Why wouldn't he have said something, then? Why would he have been so willing to help get Remus and Tonks together? And why would he have written love letters on Tonks's behalf and never said anything?

Remus had thought Sirius just liked seeing people in love. Could it be that he had hidden his own feelings and done all he could to support their relationship, even going so far as to misguidedly send Remus extra letters from Tonks, all because he wanted to see two people he loved happy? How loyal and self-sacrificing could a bloke be?

Well, Sirius certainly had opportunity, and Remus was suspecting more and more that he had motivation. But what about means? Remus remembered when Sirius had given him the foolproof "Brilliant Plan to Make Nymphadora Tonks Fall in Love with Remus Lupin." He had said something about penmanship charms, hadn't he? Peter would know.

"Peter," he said as he brought the tea out, "you used to help James and Sirius with their pranks, right?"

"Oh yes," Peter replied. "We were a terrible trio. Tormented the Slytherins constantly."

"So, without breaking the prankster's code, can I ask you: if I gave you, say, this note from Moody-" he picked said note up from its spot on the table- "could you make it look like I had written it?"

"Change the handwriting, you mean? Nah," Peter replied. "But Sirius could, for sure. Penmanship charms were one of his specialties."

Remus was pretty quiet once he brought out the tea, Peter noticed, but he guessed he was probably still feeling a bit down. And Peter didn't mind. It wasn't often he got to tell the tales of his Hogwarts day without interruption from Sirius or James.

* * *

_Sirius. Sirius sent me the letters and now he's coming here. Will he know that I know? What should I do? Do I say something? Do I wait for him to say something?_

_Tonks seems to think this is like an Arithmancy equation. Remus loves _x_, where _x _is the sender of the letters, whether _x _equals Nymphadora Tonks or Sirius Black. But it can't possibly be that simple._

_But I do like Sirius. He's been a good friend – even better than I knew, if he was putting aside his own feelings all this time. He's smart and impulsive and _cool_, just like Tonks. And I am definitely attracted to him._

_So should I be mad at him for lying to me, essentially, in sending these letters? Probably. Am I mad at him? Not really. Knowing Sirius, there's some convoluted logic that leads to a good reason behind it all._

_He and James will be here soon. What do I do now?_

* * *

James noticed that Sirius was unusually silent on the walk to Remus's flat, but he did have a lot to think about, after all. And it wasn't so bad, for once, to be able to just enjoy the fine spring day, without Sirius bounding about like a puppy. 

_I'm going to see Remus. What will I say? What will he say? What did _Tonks _say? What if she told him about the letters?_

_He might be mad at me. He'd have every right to be. I spent a month lying to him, handing him letters I claimed were from Tonks. I didn't do it to be cruel, though. I did it to make him happy. And they did make him happy, those letters._

_But they also are part of why Tonks broke it off with him. She should have been mad at me, too, but she wasn't. Instead, she relinquished her hold on Remus, as if she could just hand him over to me. It's not that simple, cousin._

_I should tell him. He might already know, but if he doesn't, I'll tell him. I shouldn't expect anything to come of it, though. He might be angry at me, he might not want to even be friends with me anymore. But telling him is the right thing to do. It's a place to start._

_Oh Merlin, we're here. Now what do I do?_

* * *

Despite all the time he'd spent worrying about what to say to Sirius when he got here with James, Remus still jumped in his seat when a knock at the doorframe and a call of "We're here!" heralded their arrival. 

"That's James and Sirius," he told Peter, rather unnecessarily, he supposed. Nerves.

Sure enough, a moment later the two Aurors in question appeared in the kitchen, where he and Peter were having their tea.

"Hullo again, James," Remus said with a nod. "Sirius," he added awkwardly. He then rushed to fill the pause that followed, certain that Sirius would suspect he knew if he didn't stop acting strangely. "Can I get you some tea?"

"Sure," Sirius replied quietly.

"I think Peter and I actually have to be going," James answered.

"We do?" Peter asked.

"Yes," James hissed. "You have to check on the shop, and I should tell Moody he'll soon have two of his best Aurors back on full-time duty. That is, if that's all right with you two?"

"Absolutely," Sirius answered, while Remus nodded.

"Speaking of Moody," said Peter, "don't forget to ask Sirius to change that note for you, Remus."

"What note?" Sirius asked at the same time Remus winced.

"It's a note from Moody. Remus was asking me if I knew how to change it so it was in his handwriting, and I said it was your specialty."

Sirius blanched, and Remus winced again. James, too, looked abashed. "C'mon, Peter," he said, "let's go, and let Remus and Sirius take care of that."

Once they left, the awkward silence returned again. Remus poured Sirius a cup of tea, and they both sat there, sipping and not meeting each other's eyes across the table.

"So," Sirius finally ventured, "you want this note from Moody to look like you wrote it?"

"Not … not really," Remus replied, then hastily added, "I was more interested in the theory of the thing. Could you-"

"Demonstrate? Yeah. Yeah, um, you just – well you need a sample of the writing you want it to look like - then you just tap both parchments with your wand, and what you say is, you say '_Scriptumalitra_,' and there you are."

"I see."

"Dead easy, really."

"Ah."

More silence.

Sirius broke first. "I'm really sorry. I mean, I'm guessing from this that – that you know about the letters, and I'm so sorry, it was a stupid idea, I was just trying to help, but I screwed it all up, and I don't blame you if you don't want to be friends anymore. In fact, maybe I should just go." He made as if to stand.

"No!" Remus said. "I mean, no, I'm not mad at you. Stay. You're not done with your tea."

Sirius settled back into his seat. "No, I suppose I haven't."

This time, the silence was less awkward, though still heavy with tension.

"Was that really why?" Remus asked.

"What?"

"You were just trying to help? Was that really why you wrote the letters?"

Sirius looked away. "That should've been why," he said.

"But?"

"But it was more than that," he admitted. "I- I really like you Remus – liked you before Tonks told me about seeing you at Quidditch – and I thought I would be all right, being your friend, helping you and Tonks both, but then we went to Romania, and Tonks wasn't there, and everything was such shite, and I – they made you smile. The letters made you smile - _I_ made you smile – and it was a better way of pretending – pretending I meant more to you than I did, and I guess I got carried away."

"Yeah, I guess you did."

"Sorry," Sirius said once more.

"But that's one of my favorite things about you, after all: the way you throw yourself into everything you do," Remus continued.

"Really?" Sirius looked stunned.

"Really. I'm not mad at you, Sirius. I just wish you'd said something – to Tonks, to me – before it got to that point."

"What good would that have done? She fancied you, you fancied her – where did my feelings come into it?"

"So it was better to let us both treat you like a disinterested bystander – making you our confidante, breaking your heart by inches – then to speak up?"

"It wasn't any worse than speaking up," Sirius answered. "It hurt sometimes, yeah, but it had its moments."

"Like when you demonstrated seduction technique on me?" Remus asked.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. It was a momentary lapse, that's all."

"I liked it," Remus said bluntly.

"You- what do you mean, you liked it?"

"I mean, from that moment on I realized I was attracted to you. But I thought that was all it was, just a passing, physical thing."

"Do you not think that anymore?" Sirius looked hopefully.

"I don't know," Remus replied honestly. "Tonks seems to think that if I fell in love with those letters, it shouldn't matter who wrote them, but I don't know that it's that simple."

"That makes sense. I think Tonks oversimplified this whole mess a bit, yeah. She was all but ready to shove me into your arms right there in Romania!" Sirius laughed nervously.

Remus snorted. "Somehow, I don't think that would've worked out as well as she apparently hoped! What is it with you two and matchmaking, anyway? She even sent bloody _Snape_ here to try and give us a push in the right direction."

"Well, that's something. I may have forged letters from Tonks, but at least I never sicced Snape on you!"

"Very true." Remus grinned.

Sirius paused, looking nervous again. "Okay, so despite Tonks's, Snape's, and even my own efforts, you aren't already in love with me. But would you say 'yes' to a date?"

Remus smiled at him. "I would definitely say 'yes' to that. What did you have in mind?"

"I thought we might pop down to The Three Broomsticks tomorrow evening, actually. There's dancing, you know, and I know this line that's guaranteed not to fail…."

A few weeks after she had sent Snape as an unwilling messenger to Remus, Nymphadora Tonks was finally able to return to England herself.

The second thing she did (after a nice, hot shower) was stop by her cousin's flat, to see how he was. She was curious to know what effect her note to Remus had had. He was a bright fellow; surely he had figured it out?

There was nobody home at Sirius's.

There was no answer at Remus's flat, either, so she decided to try the pubs.

She didn't see them right away at The Three Broomsticks, but settled in for a pint anyway. Damn, it was good to be back in Britain.

Eventually she spotted them on the dance floor, where Sirius was attempting a passable lindy hop, while Remus, out of breath but grinning like a fool, tried to keep up. They both looked like they were enjoying themselves immensely, and she subtly shifted her facial features. She didn't want to interrupt their night out with awkwardness; there'd be time to catch up tomorrow. She just wanted to see for herself whether they had worked things out, and it certainly seemed they had.

The band, in typically capricious style, switched abruptly to a slow number, but Remus and Sirius didn't leave the dance floor. As she watched her cousin and her ex sway in harmony, looking for all the world as if they weren't aware anyone else was in the pub, Tonks felt both a twinge of bitterness and regret and the urge to sigh with contentment to see them so happy together.

As the number drew to a close, Sirius pulled Remus in close to him and whispered something in his ear. Remus nodded, and they made their way back towards a table in a secluded corner.

_Hey now, something about this seems awfully familiar,_ Tonks thought, grinning. If Remus had got the idea from Sirius in the first place, it was only fair.

Back at the table, after a quick glance around, the two men shared a kiss that was clearly not their first, as it clearly involved generous use of tongue, and Tonks had to look away.

She was happy for her cousin, She was happy for Remus. There were plenty of other eligible blokes out there. Plenty of them out at The Three Broomsticks tonight, in fact. She hadn't come here to mope, had she? Nope, so why shouldn't she have a fun night out, now that she knew Remus and Sirius had worked everything out? She concentrated, shifting her hair from the muted, natural shade of black it had had to remain while she was undercover to something more fun. Pink was always a good choice.

Turning around, Sirius caught her at it (of course), but he made no move to come over, merely gave her a knowing wink and a wave as he followed Remus to the door. Tonks returned the wave with a thumbs-up and a cheeky grin, and settled back in her seat to watch them disappear out into the night, hand in hand.


End file.
